I know I'm being unreasonable but I'm hurt about ex-P's new partner

[HurtyBurty]

Me and ex-P were together for seven years. We both thought it was "the one" so in 2016 we started to talk seriously about our future. I wanted children in the next few years. He never wanted children ever.

After much discussion, we reached the conclusion that we wanted different things from life in terms of children/family and we split up. It hurt but we were friendly throughout and said we'd remain friends.

A couple of months ago he started seeing someone else. I was genuinely pleased for him and it felt like a form of closure for me. However, over the last couple of weeks it has transpired that his new partner has a child from a previous relationship and ex-P is very much enjoying playing "dad".

I'm really hurt by it. When I see pictures of them on adventures and when I hear him talking about the three of them, I just think "that could've been us". That was exactly the life I wanted with him that he was so vehemently against that we ended our brilliant seven year relationship.

I'm so hurt and actually a bit angry about it. I've distanced myself from him (muted him on FB and passed over a couple of social events that I know he'll be at) but I still see him at work and we have a lot of mutual friends in common.

Sorry, I don't know what my question is here- just needed to vent a bit.

sorry OP that sounds tough. I can't share any previous experience or words of wisdom. Just sounds like something shit and sometimes I think things are just that. Just a rubbish thing that can't be made better as such. It just exists and is hard. xx

I can get why you feel like that.

But it maybe that he doesn't mind taking on the father role when the child isn't his. He knows if him and his partner split, he isn't responsible for the child.

There's no point thinking 'that could have been us' , because that's not true. He doesn't want children of his own. He still hasn't got children of his own.

I am sorry this has happened to you op . I was you six years ago except my ex cheated and left me to play dad with to OW child . Just take it one day at a time and be glad you are not tied to him for life like I am . You will have your happily ever after one day x

Thanks both. I understand your point @Shortstuff08 but it wasn't that he didn't want children of his own, he just didn't want children to be a part of his life at all (these were almost his exact words). He said he didn't want to "waste" weekends at soft play/sports/hobbies or compromise on holidays or attend things like sports days/school plays etc.

He's now doing all of these things.

X-post @trustnoone2018

Glad you found a way through it.

He has been with her a couple of months. In a few months he may decided he can't compromise those things and split with her.

I am sorry you are hurting. But wallowing just isn't going to help.

Also people change and change their minds about lots of things. He may have just changed since you split. Be kind to yourself and try not to over think this too much. Xx

You're completely right @shortstuff08 that wallowing isn't helping. I wasn't wallowing at all for ages - I was glad we'd been mature and sensible enough to split rather than try and eek out a relationship with at least one of us being unhappy.

As I said, when he started seeing someone else I was really pleased and I felt like we'd both moved on to a new chapter but then it hit me like a sack of bollocks when he went all "family man".

I agree with another poster, it's a bit easier when someone else's child. My ex was like this, couldn't see himself having kids but all his later partners have kids. You kinda can opt for the nicer stuff rather than take everything