I'm 9w pregnant. BF wanted children, I wasn't sure. I think he was deliberately careless to be honest. For most of my pregnancy I've been really ill with a virus, on top of a rare auto immune disorder I have, so I've been very unwell. He has been great, picking up the housework and being very caring. We've been together a year and were friends before that. He's a very prominent volunteer in the circles that I work in, and we have set up a lot of things together.
However, when he doesn't get his own way, he's throwing massive tantrums. When I said I wanted the baby to have both of our names, he said I should abort it, and he would have nothing to do with it unless it had his name only. I haven't mentioned it since. He has also been very critical of me at times. I work much longer hours than he does. He wakes up when I leave for work in the morning and usually works from bed til about 4pm. I get home between 6 and 7pm and then walk the dog and make the dinner. He complains that the house is a mess and I never do any housework. It's my house but its really small-not much more than a bedsit really, so he pretty much lives out of a bag and a few drawers and gives me £200 a month towards rent and bills, which is just under a quarter, and we split the big grocery shop. My electricity has gone up by £50 a month since he moved in. I earn slightly more than he does, mainly because my contract is for more than usual working hours, but he always comments about how I'm the main earner.
Recently he borrowed a new dyson off his mum as my vacuum is a bit broken. I had continued to use my old one til we got rid of it when we went away. When we came back, I asked him how to detach it as it's really weird and not like normal hoovers, and he laughed in my face for ages saying I must be the stupidest person in the world if I didn't know how to use a hoover, and it shows I never do any housework because we had had it for weeks (I had been using my old one). He brings this up to his family and our friends too and laughs at me, telling them I never clean and he has to do it all, and I didn't know how to use a hoover. Because I have only cooked a couple of times in the past few weeks whilst I've been ill, he's now saying I never cook, in front of people again. (for 9 months previous I had cooked every single day. Even if got back from work at 10pm he'd ask me what's for dinner as soon as I walk in). The other morning I was really struggling trying not to be sick and made some toast quickly for myself (had to sit down a few times during as faint) and he woke up and called me selfish for not making him some. He still keeps bringing that up now. After his mum found out I was pregnant and has been making a fuss over me and saying I need to take it easy, he has been a lot better. Even though he doesn't actually see his mum that often, and when we do go round he gets bored and goes off and does something in his old room leaving me to talk to his family. But he won't let us move closer to all my family because he 'won't leave his elderly, lonely and isolated mother'. His mum is younger than my parents and travels about all over the place, going on holidays almost every month. She's far from lonely, elderly or isolated, whereas my parents never leave their home town as they have animals and a few health problems. They're in their 70s now.
Yesterday I had a message to make a GP appointment about my blood test results. I was worried, and ill and tired and had to stay at work because he wanted to have a meeting I had to go to. He told me the wrong time for the meeting meaning I would have had to stay at work til 7pm, and I was already crying and had enough. I told him this and said I would walk home (ten mins away) , whereupon he screamed at me down the phone for ten minutes, snatched things I'd printed off for him and stormed off saying I had fucked him over and I had to stay in the house and think about what I'd done. I said I would go back into town to my office which had been the original venue. So having rearranged without discussing it with me, he then made everyone go back to the original meeting place. He then told me he didn't want me in the meeting (he's the chair and I'm the secretary) and that I had to stay downstairs. As I was in a state I just stayed downstairs whilst he used my office for the meeting and I could hear him laughing upstairs. Later on he told me that he was right to speak to me the way he did because I had fcked him over. Insisted he had never told me the wrong time, that I had embarrassed and humiliated myself and him in front of the others, that he had had to smooth it over and repair the damage I had done and make it okay for me. He said he thought he could rely on me and I had fked up and dropped the ball he had had to pick up my slack, but that if I would type up his minutes it would go some way to making it up to him. He said he was prepared to write off my behaviour as hormones, accused me of making things up and being crazy, and said he had to check what I had said to the others as he could trust me not to say or do anything crazy. He also told me to go to bed because he wanted some space and he was very busy cleaning up my mess. We had planned to go to a show at the weekend, but now he's going helping some random girl he was at school with and hasn't seen for years, being a steward at a charity event she's organised, and he's said I can get the bus to the show on my own and he'll join me later in the afternoon when he's finished. He says I'm a bad person because I'm trying to stop him doing something for charity.
This is the worst he has ever been and these instances have been few and far between, but I'm heart broken because I've been in abusive relationships in the past, and he knows my last relationship was awful and I won't put up with this. He refuses to see that his behaviour is wrong, and blames it all on me. The rest of the time we have a genuinely great relationship, but I no longer feel completely safe with him like I used to. I really don't think he'd be violent, but the verbal abuse when he gets in a bad mood I'm not prepared to tolerate. He speaks to me and treats me like a dog, and thinks he's entitled to do so. On the other hand I can't bear going through this pregnancy alone. I can't talk to anyone as nobody knows I'm pregnant or they are our mutual friends and I don't want to make things awkward.
I hate the way he speaks to me sometimes, and feel like he treats me like his mother. The way yesterday made me feel, frightens me, as I haven't felt this low in a long time. I suppose my options are to work through it (he said that he wants to stay in the relationship and make it work, but he wont change, I have to just learn not to make him angry). To have an abortion or to go through the pregnancy alone which makes me feel completely miserable. I could move back to be near my family, but I need to stay in my job if I want good maternity pay. I can't believe I'm in this situation, it just feels like a nightmare, but then again I could be over reacting. He hasn't spoken to me or looked at me since last night. I don't know what to say.