Domestic Violence.... can abusers change?

[ReggieR]

Basically what it says on the tin....

If a man is capable of domestic violence, can he change or is he always going to be a violent individual no matter how much therapy/treatment/he wants to change?

I am well aware that women also can be abusers so no disregard, just interested to hear people's opinions/stories.

Actually just read Gardengeeks response and I had to comment.

I don’t know your situation OP but my DH made it all about him - he needed help to change, he did x, it followed a pattern where his needs were always more important than mine

The minute I realised that I was not in control, at all, I thought I was until then - even after violent incidents- that’s when I realised how terrifying it was to leave. How utterly shit scared I was of what he was going to do.

Please, and I know you do have, keep talking to your support. Please make a safety plan (at least in your head) because the minute you realise how utterly out of your control his behaviour is, it’s scary BUT with the right support around you- you will be fine. In time.

Occasionally it has been known but I had two abusive exes and no they never changed.

Mostly, no. They can't change. It's who they are.

This is so tragic. We love these men, err nurture them, we see their damaged backgrounds. .... and we have their children!

Still, they don't change.

Right now, I'm involved with a victim of post traumatic stress, and I love him very much. He's a great dad (most of the time ) and a lovely human being. I nearly married him. ... but I have been involved with domestic abuse before, my kids are still damaged from that, and I can't take the risk.

Maybe somebody who is healthy on childhood, then experiences some dreadful thing.... maybe they can change?

But the men who have grown up thinking abuse is normal. ... they don't change :(