Things have been stressful this last two months. I fell pregnant unexpectedly and miscarried. My DD broke her arm badly on a trampoline. My son has ASD and has been having meltdowns almost nightly over sleeping. We have a 14 week puppy which I am trying to train. Money hasn't been great due to birthdays and school stuff. I am on meds for severe depressive episodes and my mood has dipped a lot. DH has been working sometimes 6 days a week and is tired.
Two days ago we had an arguement. It was quite late at night, my DS1 has fallen and had a small cut on his scrotum. My DS2 was having another meltdown about going to sleep. My DD1 was crying because her father (not DH) had taken her to the beach and not bothered with sun cream, she is a redhead and fair and her back was terribly burnt. The puppy was running amok.
I sorted DS1 cut, cajoled DS2 out of his meltdown, put cream on my DD back and gave her pain relief. By the time I came back downstairs I was stressed to the point of tears. I said to him I thought we had made a mistake getting the puppy. I suppose I was looking for reassurance, comfort, but he just said well get rid of her then, picked her up and took her outside. When he came back in, he asked me what's wrong and I just said there was no point in talking to him because he is unsupportive.
When DD2 broke her arm, it was broken in two places with the bone through the skin. I was trying to hold it together waiting for the ambulance, keeping her as calm as I could and all he could think about was getting to work.
He didn't want the pregnancy, so wasn't upset when I lost it. I know I need to sort out contraception, it's just a long waiting list to be fitted with the copper coil as I can't use any hormone based contraception due to PMDD.
He accused me of spending money like water because during the first month where I couldn't walk the puppy due to her vaccinations, I rented some movies to watch in the day on the Xbox. They were £2.49 and over the course of a month, I rented around 20 I would say. I don't spend money on myself at all, clothes are bought from primark, I cut my own hair, do my own eyebrows and lip, rarely buy make up or shoes. The only money I do spend on my self is buying ejuice and coils for my vape. He still smokes and spends around £20 a week on tobacco.
Anyways, yesterday he went to work without saying a word. By 11pm he still wasn't home so I called him and he was at his colleagues house. He didn't bother to text me to let me know. I was upset so in anger I told him just to stay there for the night. I don't have a problem with him not coming home, but a text to let me know so would have been appreciated.
I calmed down and asked him to come home to talk about things. He said there was nothing to talk about because everything is always his fault, he isn't supportive and that I always say I would be fine if he left. He again said I spend money like water.
My DH is also a recovering alcoholic. He has been sober a year come August. Last week he said he thought he might like to have one or two drinks again, with the weather being nice and he thinks he could drink in moderation. My DH used to drink 8 litres of cider a day. He can't drink in moderation.
This colleague he stayed with last night has just split up with his wife. He has a spare room, he drinks and my DH really likes him.
I can't help but think that DH is looking for a way out from the hectic life of a family with four kids, two dogs, stressed wife etc, for a life of hanging out with his mate and drinking again.
I have no idea what to say to him when he arrives, I don't know what to do. I do love him, but we have said things that have hurt each other and I don't know if there is any coming back from it all. What do I do?