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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Ex’s downward spiral affecting me

2 replies

Eesha · 03/07/2018 08:42

My ex and I split due to his drinking and anger issues early this year. I had tried to keep things amicable as possible due to our small children. However I knew he was still drinking. I recently found out he was dating again and though I was sad, knew it was irrational to feel this way as he was moving on. Then his new girlfriend (one of a few) recently contacted me to say he was hassling her, drunk, after they had split because she caught him texting and seeing other girls. I explained to her why we had split, that he had a drink issue. She was saying she was nervous as he was hanging round outside her place drunk. She ended up calling the police. This has all happened over the last four months now. Our mutual friends have said not to get involved as my ex can’t stop drinking, some have lost patience with him and don’t socialise much with him anymore. When I heard from her, I suddenly felt so anxious about it all, couldn’t eat or sleep. It’s like was he always a monster, has the drink made him this way? We were once happy but I think I gave him the life he wanted but drink was always there. He had to suppress it. With his new girls, they drink with him and it escalates very quickly as he becomes aggressive.

I just want to get over this and not feel anxious anymore as we aren’t together but these things just make me feel frightened.

OP posts:
RitaMad · 03/07/2018 17:21

I’m in a similar situation. It’s very unnerving, isn’t it? I find myself wondering what his next move will be.

Did finding out he behaved the same with his new girlfriend help at all? In my case, I think it reassured me that I wasn’t mad to leave him, which is what he’d have me believe.

I agree with your friends that you shouldn’t get involved. I find that even being on the receiving end of his one of his angry rants puts me in a spin. I avoid him at all costs and it has helped immensely.

Eesha · 03/07/2018 17:34

I think my ex wants to always show his better side to me so these days it's ok when with him. I definitely know I did the right thing leaving him though, I just think there is so much going on behind the scenes which he isn't telling me but I know about, which is making me anxious

OP posts:
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