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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

pregnant/cheated/in need of advice

16 replies

beth189 · 02/07/2018 23:15

I wrote a previous post but, I feel I should put all details in!
Been with partner (now ex cause i cheated) for a year.
Currently pregnant.
He found out and potentially could be the other mans child but, i paid for a non invasive prenatal paternity test which i should get the results for at the end of this week.
When we first started seeing eachother (we were not together), i was involved with someone else and he knew that at first but, didnt know i was still sleeping with them, when he did find out he gave me a black eye.
We didnt speak for months but he said he regretted it eventually and we started speaking again, then ended up getting together but, it was a regular thing the past getting brought back up and i know i was in the wrong.
Things became good and he took on my son from a previous relationship and that made me feel so good because i never really got that from my sons father.
Then my phone broke...so i put my sim into a new one and old messages came up, one that i had sent to the guy i was seeing at the same time before we got together, and he saw it. I got woken up to him kicking me in my back and at this point i was really confused as i had do idea what was going on then he started ranting and raving about how i had been messaging this guy and i told him it must be an old message saved to my sim card. He didnt believe that, attacked me, threw me on the floor, put his foot on my face, made me feel like dirt on his shoe, i showed him my phone records to prove i hadnt text this guy but still didnt believe me. So he left and took my sim. The next day he called me to apologise as he had put my sim card into another phone and when the message came up again realised he was wrong so I forgave him eventually as I had messed him around before and he promised it would never happen again.
Couple of months later he got drunk and came back kicking off because i had driven past my sons dads home (long story but it was nothing to do with any feelings for this vile creature), he slashed my car tyres, and kicked my door in but, yes you guessed it i forgave him again, but this was after he spent a week in prison for this!
so here i am today, pregnant, awaiting results for paternity and my head is so messed up!

OP posts:

AlwaysSleepy1 · 02/07/2018 23:19

I probably shouldn't say this but regardless of paternity you should stay as.far away from this man as you can - if he is now your ex because of the cheating then count yourself lucky. Stay away from that man and keep yourself safe

Kittykat93 · 02/07/2018 23:21

You realise he's going to end up seriously harming or killing you right? For the sake of yourself and your unborn child stay away from this dangerous man.

Barbaro · 03/07/2018 06:21

What are you wanting out of creating a second thread about the same issue?

People are still going to tell you to leave him. I'm not really seeing the point. The extra details aren't going to change that.

arghhhhhhh · 03/07/2018 08:21

I read your first thread and now your second. You really are not going to get any different responses to the first op.

You let this man give you a black eye....you then let him around your son!!!!

Stay single, bring your child up alone. That's your only option.

ShatnersWig · 03/07/2018 08:40

You have just "added" details in, some of this actually contradicts what you put on your other similar thread.

You don't mention your six-year old son in any of this, which is a bit concerning.

Original poster

beth189 · 03/07/2018 12:11

let me just say that my six year old son was never around for any of this, and when he did what he did, i pressed charges and he ended up in prison for a week.
He has never been in any way what so ever bad towards my son

OP posts:

Original poster

beth189 · 03/07/2018 12:13

And i am kind of lost atm, and yes leaving him for good is my decision that I think I had come to a while back

OP posts:

HariboIsMyCrack · 03/07/2018 12:15

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

anotherangel2 · 03/07/2018 12:22

By staying with this man are teaching your son that is is OK to be abused. Is that what you want him to think?

Snowysky20009 · 03/07/2018 12:28

What exactly do you see in this man? I've read both threads and am struggling to see. These extra details make no difference, people are telling you the same thing.

How do you think he'll react if the child isn't his? Hurt you so badly that you could possibly lose the baby? Hurt you badly or worse?
This isn't how a relationship is. You say he's good with your son. How good will he be if he ends up killing his mother? Sorry to be so blunt.

Fivelittleduckies · 03/07/2018 12:36

Hi OP, your situation sounds a mess but I’m curious as to what you are hoping to gain from posting? Do you need a space to vent? Do you hope to recieve advice- and if so - what kind of advice?

I think you would be unlikely to find anyone wil eouldvecdn suggest that you should entertain the idea of staying with this man.

What is it that you want?

Fivelittleduckies · 03/07/2018 12:38

Sorry, didn’t preview first

*you would be unlikely to find anyone who would even suggest you stay with him

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 03/07/2018 12:39

Being bad to your son's mother is being bad to your son.

You need to leave this violent piece of scum, do the Freedom programme, and stay single until you've reset your expectations of a relationship.

Cricrichan · 03/07/2018 12:41

He is dangerous. Even if it's his child I would, for both your sakes pretend it's another man's child. Please call the police and tell them what he's done.

bmak · 03/07/2018 14:48

I guess i just needed a place to vent Fivelittleduckies

I am not asking for anyone to tell me to stay with him, and I am not intending to either, I have ceased all contact and I am trying to move on with things.

I am in a bad place at the minute so was just hoping to hear other peoples opinions because it helps somewhat and makes me feel stronger about it all.

dirtybadger · 03/07/2018 14:55

I replied to your initial post and thought about suggesting this but you hadnt said enough to make me confident that it was the right step

So my advice is slightly different now. Three options:

Terminate your pregnancy and have nothing to do with this horrible violent man

Tell him you have terminated. Disappear. Dont put him on birth certificate. Never see him again. He is dangerous for you and your boy, and potential new baby

If it isnt his, then phew! I would still terminate, but if you dont, you at least dont have to pretend you have. But still have nothing more to do with this man. Ever. Dont rush into introducing someone to your child ever again! Wait at least a year.

Also, please start using a long term contraception.

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