My H believes that he is abused/nagged by me because I ask him not to do things which upset me or humiliate me or sometimes mildly harm DC and I.
A few examples but by no means exhausting:
I get bad travel sickness,’but H will never let me drive, speeds up when I ask him to slow down, and gets angry when I ask him to stop because I feel ill.
H will shout at me in front of friends and family because he thinks I have said something inappropriate or embarrassing. It’s usually when I try and tell an anecdote or something. Everyone usually feels very awkward and I feel very embarrassed. He uses correcting and shouting at me in public a lot to get me to comply or agree to things I don’t want to.
He carries DCs on his shoulders or higher than him and he barely skims doorways when he takes them through. I warn him as I can see that he is about to hit their heads, and he often does. He hates being warned or asked to be careful but 9/10 their heads get hurt. He actively does it more if I bring it up or ask him to be careful.
He keeps me awake at night by playing loud videos on you tube. If I ask him to switch them off he plays them louder.
He subjects our lives to constant change, often of residence and circumstances. He interferes with household arrangements so I rarely know where I stand or what support I have.
If I bring up that I do not like these things he says I am “always complaining,” that he feels “beaten down like a dog” by me as in my eyes he can never get anything right. Or he has a problem with the way I talk to him and wants me to approach him in a different way / eg politer or at a different time. When I do that in the way he wants he acts exasperated saying why am I still going on about it? Do I not have anything positive to say to him? Why am I so negative?
I am aware he is a bully and abusive. I just wondered if there was a name for this particular type of manipulation and how to deal with it until I work out how I can leave.