advice needed about SIL who doesn't like me (v long)

[oaktree]

I have 2 kids, B & SIl have 1 the same age as my eldest. Neither of us are planning any more, and have no siblngs so these 3 will be the only cousins. we live within an hours drive but despite all my efforts they won't have anything to do with us. phonecalls, emails & letters go unanswered. I really want the children to get to know each other becasue they will only have each other but what can I do? I have mentioned my concerns to my brother but he always fobs me off with some excuse like they don't know what they're doing that day and so on. the children have seen each other once since Xmas. mine get so excited and are always asking if they are going to see their cousin when we visit parents but I almost feel they go out of their way to avoid us.

any ideas? thank you for reading this far!!

TBH, sounds as though you've done everything you can do. You've made it clear that you and your family want to be close to them and it's up to them now. Leave it alone for a while and see what happens.
Have you ever had a falling out?

Thanks yeahbut. no bustups, but I think we differ on some issues like working mums v stay at home mums. ( she works full time through choice and I stay at home f/t from choice) but I've never & would never bring that into our meetings - I just want whats best for the kids......

Perhaps that contrast makes her uncomfortable. My bf works F/T and has huge guilt attacks about it when I'm able to go into school to help etc. and she can't. Doesn't make her any less of an amazing mum but she does feel it. And I do get pangs when I think about making my own money and the lifestyle we could have if I was working, even though I'm sure I'm doing the right thing.
And it may not even be that. We don't all click with everyone and that's just the way it goes. You've done all you can to build the relationship so don't feel bad.

If your sil works full time then she may not have much spare time especially once you've seen gps etc.Also they may only want to meet up a couple of times a year.

Maybe next time you speak to your brother suggest a bbq give them 2/3 weeks notice, school holidays are probably a good time or if it is possible ask them if they would like you to have their kids overnight to give them a bit of a break.

Agree with thegardener, could be about lack of time. If you and your SIL don't really get on - if you weren't related, would you be friends? - then she may not want to spend her limited leisure time hanging out, IYSWIM. Sorry, that sounds nasty but my SIL and I don't really have much in common so when I worked FT a day spent with them was a bit of a duty thing rather than something I'd look forward to, so it didn't happen very often. Now dh takes ds round on his own, which is fine by both of us! Nothing against her, we just don't really hit it off.