Want to leave my husband but don't know how

[Shinynew50p]

I've been married to my husband for 6 years. He was my first serious boyfriend we had a very immature on off relationship. I finished the relationship with him after 18 months but then chased him to get back together. I was very insecure and not in a good place in the throws of an ed.

We then got married have one dc who we both adore. He is a loving dad and hands on.

He can be very controlling, he tries to tell me how to dress, pushes me into doing sexual things I don't want constantly, taking degrading photos, belittles me for earning less. He constantly talks over and corrects me. He is jealous of relationships I have with friends and family. There have been incidents of domestic abuse. He is a very angry person with a short fuse. I am not perfect and for the past eighteen months I have been drinking far too much some evenings which he uses against me and calls me an alchoholic (I don't think I am. I have just been using drink as a means of escape and recognise this needs to stop) on one of these occasions the police were called as he hit me, unfortunately I was intoxicated at the time, friends and family ask all the time why I am still with him.

I want to leave him. I have tried too a few months ago But he said it was all my fault for chasing him years ago, why didn't I leave him alone back then. I had ruined his life and that he would kill himself. It was awful to see him cry. So I took what I said back. He has tried to make changes. He isn't all bad. There are some good times and he does provide well. He's been to the doctors and they say he has anxiety. There is other things too, but really, I just don't think I want to be with him anymore.

I stupidly had a liaison with someone recently. It was a one off but it made me realise that I couldn't do that if I truly did want to be with him. I'm really disgusted with myself by this and I don't want to be that person who goes behind her husbands back looking for cheap thrills.

I'm in my thirties. We have a mortgage. I have no savings of my own and I would never get him out of the house. I do work but he is the sole earner as I'm the main carer for our child. I just don't know what to do or where to start.

Start making plans to leave. Take copies of things like bank statements. Speak to the CAB, or a solicitor if you can afford to.

Do not be guilted in to staying, if he harms himself it isn’t your fault and chances are he won’t anyway. It’s emotional abuse.

Start getting your ducks in a row and preparing for a new life without him. Good luck

Thank you for your reply.

Sorry I should of said that he is the main earner. I obviously do earn money but he pays the bulk of our bills.

We have quite a bit of equity in our house but frankly he could have the lot.

You can leave and you can do it
Get organised and leave
You can do it
You deserve better and would be so much happier alone x

I know I would be happier alone. I'm just terrified of the upset I am going to cause and what he might do and how he will react. We have a big expensive holiday booked for the summer and the thought of two weeks with him, well I'm dreading it. He has just started to pester me for sex...if I say no he will sulk all night.

Op, so sorry you are unhappy. If you think you are in danger ring woman’s aid and they will advise you.
If not, agree with BifWif.
Open a bank account if you do not have one of your own. Try to build up a small emergency fund.
Think about your support network. Who would help you if you left?
Think about how to improve your cv & your skills, and your job. Can you increase your hours? I guess your dc will start school soon so you could possibly work full time. Check out breakfast & afterschool clubs.
Do not say dh can keep the equity in the house. You may not want to accept it but your dc has a right to live somewhere decent. Look upon it as the deposit on dc’s future home.
Find out what benefits you would be entitled to.
The more information you have, and the better your plan, you will feel more confident. Things will become simpler. Good luck.

Shinynew50p I totally understand where you are coming from. I am in the exact situation as you are. I don't want to obviously make your thread about me in no way. But I too have a controlling DH he too has been physically abusive , short tempered. I also use drink to block it out , he also calls me an alcoholic , please pm me maybe we can give each other some support. In fact I will pm you right now , chin up , things will get better . Take care op x

Thanks for your replies everyone. X