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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Should I leave my husband

6 replies

Nataliefay · 02/07/2018 13:08

I met my husband 8 years ago.i was very shy,we met on a night out.even me being shy he pursued me.he has been married before. Which he did seem to speak about the ex and the child she had a lot and that he cared for the child(Not his)

He's in the army I saw him about 4 times a year 3weeks to 4weeks a time we stayed together everyday at his parents.

After about a year I fell pregnant (planned) we got married she my daughter was 5 months old.

After he did his tour in Afghan we moved in together in army housing. My daughter was 11 months old.

Whilst I was pregnant he did a sex act on webcam with another girl. The girl told me. He said he won't do it again he's sorry. I did have prenatal depression I was in n out of hospital very poorly with my pregnancy so we didn't speak as much. But the night he did the sex act we spoke last words saying goodnight love you.

I was happy but not sure I quite forgiven him but tried to forget.it was only went we argued a lot I thought about it

Then we both had to get use to living together 1st proper relationship for me and living on my own .we argued alot .a lot of shouting he threw things and I can't remember any of the arguments they were silly. He never helped much with my daughter or cleaning. Eventually he saw he was a tad lazy and started helping more. We did things as a family we had a laugh but always disagreed almost everyday about anything even on days out.

We always cuddled up on the sofa we enjoy watching some sort of series on tv. We have maybe in 8 years been on 3/4 dates maybe less except our honeymoon.
But we both seemed happy and didn't mind

I am not a very kissie or cuddly person it's just not me and he's very much in need of affection so we're different that way.

We had a 2nd child he helped out a lot more child wise. But he dose say he has s stronger bond with the 2nd cause he was around the whole time unlike the 1st.

We had our 2nd posting we stil argued I used to spend a lot of money.on household items I like spending but I did get us into debt is say neither of us really are great with money but we're sorted now. But we can never agree on how to spend how to save or anything. During our 2nd posting i decided to test him to see of I could trust him after his 1st mistake .He failed I txt him on an unknown number and he fell for it wanted to meet for a weekend away with this girl..and lied when I confronted him .He eventually admitted saying he liked the attention that I don't give.

I stayed with him but not trusting him not believing he truly loves me. But he is a nice person who would give me anything helps out around the house a lot. We both work and are very tired all the time. Somethimes I feel he makes me feel tired and lazy.

Do I leave being unhappy to regret it or leave and be happy and live my life ...But feel guilty as have told him what's on my mind and he's been crying saying he will do anything I want he just wants me and his kids he will make us happy and work. But I'm not sure if I've put a wall up and can't be arsed cause I'm fed up but could be worked at with help. Or if feel down we're not compatabal and should separate...then I Think of others who have worse relationships but still together make a me feel selfish.

OP posts:
Suffraduck · 02/07/2018 23:46

Hi - just bumping this for you. I would report your post and ask for it to be moved to relationships so more people may see it.

DawnMumsnet · 03/07/2018 09:12

Hi, we're moving this thread over to our Relationships topic at the OP's request.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 03/07/2018 09:44

Why are you together at all now; I sincerely hope that it is not because of your kids. They are not and should not be used as glue here to bind you and your cheater of a husband together.

How is he a nice person exactly, he is lazy, has thrown things and has cheated on you repeatedly. The first time was not a mistake on his part and nor was the second. Tears as well can be manipulative and he's perhaps sorry now only because you've caught him. This is all on him, its not your fault that he cheats and he does this because he can and feels entitled to do so. If there is no trust now there is no relationship. Show him that there are consequences for his actions.

I would seek your own legal advice re separation; knowledge is power after all. You may also want to contact SSAFA.

Nataliefay · 05/07/2018 08:42

Thanks for the response.

He's never physically cheated.

And yes hes nice cause he dose and will do everything I ask or want he used to be lazy now he cleans more than me .Since I work nights and have chronic fatigue .feel bad I really am not an affectionate person and I moan at him lots.

But we some how bicker over everything and it's tiresome and draining.

That's where I feel guilt for possibily wanting to destroy our family life.

OP posts:
wheresthehope · 06/07/2018 01:51

Sorry OP but a web sex act is still cheating....Don't buy it for a minute!
YOU have done nothing wrong so please make yourself a priority.

SallyVating · 06/07/2018 02:46

I think if you have to ask then you have your answer. Leave

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