Is he just making excuses to not be with me ?

[Alexchristiinee]

My husband and I have been together for 7 years. This past year their has been infidelity on both sides. We got back together and decided to give it another go. The first couple of months back together things were great! But now that’s it’s been about 5 months back in we’re always fighting and always complaining about one another. I want to be with him and he claims he wants to be with me but every time we fight he tells me he’s done with the marriage or that he thinks we should get a divorce, than a couple hours later we’re fine. We fight over things like me not giving him lap dances or sending him naked pictures. I do do these things just not every time he’s asks and now that’s all he can seem to think of and complain about. Just today he told me I don’t love him because if I did I would be giving him what he wants. Idk what to do ?

Leave. The marriage sounds done with. You have both cheated and are regularly arguing- thats hard to come back from. Now he is making bizarre sexual demands (Im not saying the demands are bizarre, but the fact they are demands is) and presumably through guilt (?) you are feeling obliged to him. He has no right to make you send him naked pictures or give him lap dances. I dont know this for sure but I wouldnt be surprised if the list of his "needs" just got longer and longer.

Those demands are degrading and abusive in this context, and they erode self esteem. Move on

Did he want 'lap dances' and naked pictures before you split?

If not, I'd be worrying that he'd keep those naked pictures to blackmail you with...

Tell him to sling his hook. This relationship is done.

You both cheated. Therefore you were both unhappy. Why are you bothering?

"If you loved me then you would...." is not a great sign in a relationship.

You are his wife and Not his sex you possession

I cheated on him when I was going through postpartum depression I know that doesn’t make any of it okay but I thought I was in love with the guy I cheated on him with. He than cheated on me so he could make me feel the way I made him feel so he says. We broke up for about 3 months and than found ourselves just talking again. We do have a 2 year old daughter together so we had to keep in some type of contact but we kinda just started dating again without really knowing if that makes any sense. He’s in the military so I than came back to where he was stationed to work things out. I’ve always sent him pictures before I had my daughter. Lap dances rarely but the pictures were a common thing for us.

This all just sounds utterly awful

You both need to end this

This is not a healthy relationship at all. I'd break it off if I were you, as you both don't sound happy.

Clearly you both love this bullshit drama!!
I feel for your children, I imagine they’ll have to endure years of your mutual toxicity

Going in a mood because you won't give a lap dance? You're not some kind of performing circus animal!! That's not acceptable at all. Also cheating just to spite you back is very immature

This relationship sounds toxic. It's not normal to do tit for tat when It comes to affairs!

Why do you actually want to be with him?

It sounds like a terrible, abusive relationship and you should end it now.

You both sound incredibly unsuited to each other. I couldn’t live like this

Would you like your daughter to grow a believing this is how a marriage should be? I wouldn't. You should split for this reason alone.

For one my daughter doesn’t see anything. When we are having a bad day we continue on like nothing is wrong around her. We still take her out to play together and we still do things as a family. I’ve been there and done that with my own mother and father so I make sure my own child doesn’t have to witness any of that. When we fight it’s after he gets off work and she’s alsleep or through texts while he’s working. So my marriage may be toxic but I’m not some horrible mother who lets my daughter sit there and watch.

As for my marriage. The whole 7 years hasn’t been like this. Just the past year has. So for the people that don’t understand why I’m still with him that’s why. It’s not like this marriage was complete garbage from the start. It wasn’t until my depression got bad and he found he had PKD that things went crazy.