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Original poster

Wwyd.. 36 last chance for child.. wrong man?

12 replies

Sounsure777 · 01/07/2018 23:19

Ok so my head says "dont do it. Not fair on child and still timr to mret mr right".. i know this is the "right" answer. But deep fown i also know its my lost shot (periods are becoming iregular.. perimenopausal). Ive been with oh 2.5 year. Hes fab eith my 6 yr old son (previous relationship).., i love my oh but not sure hes my mr right (long story but i just dont feel hes my doul mate). But hes a great guy and would be a fab dad. Has anyone had child no. 2 with "wtong man" but not regretted it?

Looking back my 6 yr olds son dad wasnt right and shouldnt have had my son but im sooooo happy we did)

OP posts:
springydaff · 01/07/2018 23:24

I'd go for it iiwy

loopylass13 · 02/07/2018 03:06

I read once that anyone has the potential to be our soulmate - that it is the time and commitment we put into it that ensure we are there for the long haul. That this idea of soul mate is not a one shot thing. That what is most important is that you are friends, you trust each other, like spending time with each other, etc. It is the simple things that give us a foundation upon which to build our future. Maybe you view that as settling but personally, I think a great guy and a fab dad would be a keeper.

I had a child with the wrong man - but my child wouldn't be my child without her father's ears and dimples etc. Despite not being with ex, I think I care for him more as I see my daughter in him. I don't regret having my child by the wrong man, I still got the right child.

MrJohnReese · 02/07/2018 05:10

Fantastic answer by loopylass! I agree, I would go for it if I was you. My first 2 kids were with the wrong man, but I never have regretted having them. To be totally honest I knew I was going to leave at some point before 2nd child was conceived (just wasn't sure how at time) but wanted a second child and wanted both with same dad.

Doesn't sound like your man is totally wrong though if he's a good dad and you love him

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 02/07/2018 05:15

If he’s a great guy, a great dad and you love him, why does your head say “don’t do it”?

If you really don’t think it would be fair on the child then don’t. And consider your 6 year old too. You already have a child do why the rush to have another one if you don’t think you’re doing the best by them?

Pickleypickles · 02/07/2018 07:59

If hes a good guy and good with your 6 yr old and your prepared and able to be a single parent/co-parent if you decide in the future it's not for you then I would.

PurpleWithRed · 02/07/2018 08:05

Sheryl Sandberg said the most important decision you will ever make is who the father of your children is. If you think you can forge a solid, positive long term relationship with him that teaches your child how to be a good partner - ideally together in a relationship - and he will genuinely make a great dad then he's probably not a bad choice.

Does he get any say in the matter though?

ShatnersWig · 02/07/2018 08:05

To be totally honest I knew I was going to leave at some point before 2nd child was conceived (just wasn't sure how at time) but wanted a second child and wanted both with same dad.

Wow.

seven201 · 02/07/2018 08:13

I don't think it's fair on your dp. He could go and find a full loving relationship and have children with someone who wanted him forever. I can understand why you're contemplating it though.

MrJohnReese · 02/07/2018 08:19

Wow

Not really. Father was aware of the situation....life isn't black and white you know and my kids have the best bond ever. No regrets

Spottybotty14 · 02/07/2018 08:21

I’m afraid, I think not fair on partner who may not choose to have a child in such circumstances and not fair to knowingly deny child of a two parent upbringing with the advantages (and sometimes disadvantages that brings)
I met DH at 38 and had DD at 40. It can happen. But i’d also accepted that it may not And was prepared to embrace the advantages of not having children.
I also knew i’d want to be with DH whether we had children or not.
I suggest leaving and concentrate on finding someone who makes you feel like this.

Original poster
Sounsure777 · 02/07/2018 09:07

Thank u everyone. Spotty botty thats my dream.. to meet mr righy at 38 and baby at 40 but it took me 3 yrs to meet my current partner .. finding a good man isnt easy

In response to some qs the reason i dont feel hes my me right is that we just dont seem to get on as well as i think we should..no blazing rows but we dont seem to gel how i think we should. He doesnt make me laugh/we dont laugh together. He can be quite rigid in life..works hard and doesnt waste a penny/treat me etc. But om other hand hes very reliable dependable and caring etc... its hard :-/

OP posts:
Original poster
Sounsure777 · 02/07/2018 09:11

Spottybotty where did u meet your oh and how long were yoy single? I hate the 'biological clock' im petrified im leaving it too late :-/

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