Do you think this is unacceptably unkind to DD?

[Teabay]

ExH (split up & divorced 2016) is really, REALLY unkind to DDs 7 & 12. He says that their stuff at his house (the old family home, I left as he refused to go anywhere) is only to stay at that house.

DD 7 has a bike she rides hardly ever. Her bike here has just broken beyond repair. She asked him if she could "borrow" it just for this week (she rides it in the cul-de-sac after school every night) but he said No - and to her face he said "Just buy one for your mum's, your not having this one".

Same goes for books, toys, wellies, sunhat, school uniform, Kindle, Lego, etc etc.

Is it me? This is meaness on a whole other level. It makes me cry with rage for them.

Yes - he shouts at them, sends them upstairs, frightens them.
Last time he threatened to "knock the nose off" the then 11 yr old...

Do I just stop sending them? I've asked him to go to mediation with the DDs so they can be heard when talking to him, but he refuses. He was taken out of our only mediation session as he was loud and aggressive.

Last time he threatened to "knock the nose off" the then 11 yr old...

Seriously!!!??? You need to protect your children. I would be heading back to the solicitor and reducing contact. That is child abuse...

I would also be encouraging your DCs to talk to a trusted person at school about how their so called father is treating them.

You do realise if you don't take action it will continue

Invest in their MH by first supporting then in lowering their expectations of him and secondly, by letting them talk about their feelings with you and perhaps a therapist. Yes he’s an arsehole but an arsehole who will put you and them through hell if you don’t have the support of professionals to back you up.

What do you think your children are getting out of making them go stay with him when they don't want to and he doesn't want them there? If all they are getting is being forced to spend time in a house where they are sad and being shouted at and threatened, then it doesn't sound like there's any value in that for them.

My ds's things are his to do as he pleases. Me or exdp buy him something and he can that day take it to the other home. We don't bat an eyelid because it's his. This is really sad to read 😔