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Original poster

Age gaps...

28 replies

HowGreatIsTooGreat · 01/07/2018 18:33

I've never been a fan of age gap relationships; they've never felt right to me.

Therefore, i've always been in relationships with men around the same age as me.

I've recently decided that I'm not looking for a long term relationship for a number of reasons. I just want something casual and fun and, as such, am thinking the age gap is less relevant.

The last man I dated was 9 years younger than me (I'm 44). It wasn't really an issue and was not a contributing factor in us splitting up.

I know that age gaps where the man is older are more common/socially acceptable - i have a friend who is 65 and his partner is 20 years younger than him for example.

Obviously, I'm not asking purely out of curiosity. There is a man... and the impression I get is that he is interested...

I'm currently shutting it down in my head because of the age gap but I am attracted to him!

So I'm just garnering opinion really. What sort of age gaps do you think are ok? At what point does it become 'wrong'?

Does it make a difference whether the man or woman is older (in opposite sex relationships of course)?

OP posts:
SoapOnARoap · 01/07/2018 18:37

I think it shouldn’t make any difference at all. A friend of mine was dating a man, 8 years her junior & they were together for years & were perfect. It all went belly up, when she hit menopause, lost her sex drive & he was 46 & still wanted to have sex. They sadly split but, she’s happy now with a man who’s a bit older & her ex has married someone in their 30’s and are all great friends despite the age gaps

pinkhorse · 01/07/2018 18:44

My dp is 15 years older than me. We never notice the difference in age. Love him to bits Grin

Original poster
HowGreatIsTooGreat · 01/07/2018 20:33

Those age gaps sound fine.

He's 20 years younger.

Is that too much? Blush

OP posts:
PussGirl · 01/07/2018 21:01

I think large gaps per se are fine, as long as you have enough in common.

However an older female partner in a relationship might cause problems related to fertility, menopausal reduction in libido (as previously mentioned).

My partner is 12 years older & in his 60s - he's worrying about becoming infirm in the future & needing to be looked after, which he & I would hate, but of course could happen at any age & with any gap.

With a gap as big as generation, you will of course be taken for his mother on occasion!

mademybed123 · 01/07/2018 21:06

I think it might have been a while ago, but aging is different now, a woman in her 40's may have the same interests and same energy for life as someone in their 20's, just with more experience and wisdom.

muffinthepuffin · 01/07/2018 21:06

You'd be breaking the half your age plus seven rule, OP! Grin I've broken it twice but only by a year!

Original poster
HowGreatIsTooGreat · 02/07/2018 08:45

muffinthepuffin Not completely. I'd be getting the "half your age..." bit right... Blush

mademybed123 that's what I think too.

PussGirl wise words! I'm not interested in anything long term at the moment though and I doubt he'd be thinking long term either!

I am old enough to be his mother and clearly older than him but most people assume I'm mid 30s so it wouldn't be too bad...

But, tbh, I can't get past the thought of it being wrong. Ah well.

OP posts:
Mabelface · 02/07/2018 08:48

Do it with no expectations and have fun!

ShatnersWig · 02/07/2018 08:50

Are you Cheryl Whatever-my-surname-is-these-days?

Original poster
HowGreatIsTooGreat · 02/07/2018 08:56

Sorry, I don't understand that ShatnersWig

OP posts:
ShatnersWig · 02/07/2018 08:58

Cheryl Tweedy/Cole/VersaceHandbag has split up with 11-years younger Liam Payne.

SparklyMagpie · 02/07/2018 08:58

@ShatnersWig Grin

Original poster
HowGreatIsTooGreat · 02/07/2018 09:21

Ah, I see. No. 11 years younger is for wimps...

OP posts:
ShatnersWig · 02/07/2018 09:30

At which point I will point out I was a 26-year old man when I got together with a 36-year old woman. No one batted an eyelid because everyone always said I was much more mature than most 26-year olds and half of them said they expected me to end up with an older woman.

It lasted almost 11 years but I should have called it quits after 6 years. The age gap definitely became an issue, sadly.

WasFatNowThin · 02/07/2018 09:36

I've never tried out a younger man, I've always gone for the older man, in fact, he's 24 years older and very sexy!

pissedonatrain · 02/07/2018 09:50

If it's for casual fun, go for it.

My stbxh is 20 years younger than I am.

isthismummy · 02/07/2018 10:15

My DH is 16 years younger than me.

We’re doing fineSmile

MMmomDD · 02/07/2018 10:21

OP - go for it and have fun. Both consenting adults and all that.
Just don’t think of that as long term and having a future.
Macron-type relationships that last aren’t that common.

Presh12345 · 02/07/2018 13:25

Husband is 23 years older than me. Wouldn't change him

happymummy12345 · 02/07/2018 13:32

I think it depends on the couple. There's 9 years between my husband and I. We couldn't be happier.

arghhhhhhh · 02/07/2018 13:39

My best friend is married to a man who is 20 years + older than her. They have 3 young children - he's in his 60's and has 2 grown up children also. They are great! So well suited, lovely family etc. There's a massive age gap obviously but no one ever thinks about it. They are just a lovely family.

My dad however had an affair with a woman 20 years younger than him - and this was a total different situation to my friend. It obviously hurt my mum that she was 20 years younger the most - long blonde hair, amazing figure, fake boobs etc. But for me that wasn't the problem. She was so immature it was unreal. Not a nice woman at all. Needless to say they didn't work out and split after 2 years though I'm surprised it lasted that long.

So for me age isn't an issue but you need to be on the same levels of maturity. My best friend has the most lovely marriage but they are well and truly on the same wave length.

My dad and ex....he was 60 at the time, not interested in going out every Saturday night, she was 40 but still wanted that lifestyle.

It all depends on what you both want in life - age isn't an issue though :-)

09chelle74 · 02/07/2018 17:59

I’m engaged to a man 14 years younger than me . 😁

onanothertrain · 02/07/2018 20:18

My OH is 16 years younger than me

Original poster
HowGreatIsTooGreat · 02/07/2018 23:49

Hm but I'm 44 and he's 23.

That's 20 years.

I think it's a bit too much and I don't think he knows exactly how much older than him I am...

OP posts:
Original poster
HowGreatIsTooGreat · 02/07/2018 23:57

Well 21 years.

OP posts: