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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Am i been taking for a fool

15 replies

MrGray69 · 01/07/2018 12:25

Hi all.
I am separated now nearly 5 year's. I am in a relationship now nearly 2 and a half year's.
The problem is she shows no respect towards me.
She was at a concert recently with a few friends which i completly forgot about but called to her appartement to pick up some clothes.
While i was there i texted her and she said she was at concert to which i replied by apologizing she also stated that her friend would be staying and there was no spare beds.
She lives in a 3 bed appartement.
In the past she has been abusive towards me but i love this lady so much.
What should i do

OP posts:

tsonlyme · 01/07/2018 12:29

Eh?

Thingsdogetbetter · 01/07/2018 12:35

Have no idea what you think she has done wrong? I am assuming this friend is male? Did you ask what the sleeping arrangements were to be? Sofa? Roommate away and therefore bed is free?

Unless she has sleep with a male friend in the past there is no issue! If you don't trust her because she has actually cheated, you need to leave. If you don't trust her because your own insecurities, you need to leave and work on yourself.

You say she has abused you in the past. Same rational. If she has emotionally, financially or physically abused you, you need to leave. If you mean she has friends of the opposite sex, you need to leave and work on your insecurities.

Velvete · 01/07/2018 12:56

So you called round unannounced when she happened to be out, she had plans and you weren't invited. That's all fine. You can't just show up and expect to be allowed to stay over when she's made plans with friends. She isn't disrespecting you!

Original poster

MrGray69 · 01/07/2018 13:52

Her friend is female.
I have no problem what so ever with her going out.
We were attending a wedding 9 months ago as it was quite far away we stayed in the town of the wedding the night before.
We ventured out for a few drinks and met with a few friends that were attending the wedding.
At the end of the night we decided to go for a take away as we were eating she stated that she had chylamida from me.
I was dumb founded and horrified as to why she would say this as she was my only partener in 2 years.

OP posts:

Original poster

MrGray69 · 01/07/2018 13:53

I trust this lady 100% and love her so much that i dont know what to do.

OP posts:

SandyY2K · 01/07/2018 13:59

Your first post doesnt give cause for concern. You confused me a bit ad I saw no issue.

Has she accused you of giving her an STD? It could be that she's cheated and is spinning round to deflect.

Thingsdogetbetter · 01/07/2018 14:05

If you have no problem with her going out and having a friend stay over why are you posting? Seems like you do have an issue with it to me.
And if the only example you can give of her disrespecting you is her saying she had caught chlamydia off you, i am very confused!

Original poster

MrGray69 · 01/07/2018 14:14

Thingsdogetbetter
I have no problem with my gf going out or her having any of her friends stay over.
She just seems to try and make a joke of things which can be very hurtfull

OP posts:

Pumpkintopf · 01/07/2018 14:23

From your posts I have no idea what you think the issue is. Sorry, it's just not at all clear.

Nellia · 01/07/2018 14:33

She may well have been your only partner in two years. Does not mean you dodnt have clamidyia. Did you get tested?

wagil · 01/07/2018 14:40

It sounds as if she enjoys having a joke at your expense, is that the problem? Was she trying to be funny by saying her friend would be sharing her be, because there are no other beds, when you know that's not true?

Original poster

MrGray69 · 01/07/2018 14:55

I just feel i am not wanted when her friends are around.
When i go out with my friends shes complaining why i dont go out with her.

OP posts:

AFistfulofDolores1 · 01/07/2018 15:18

Just why are you staying with a woman who is abusive to you? Why, then, do you "trust her 100%"?

You love her so much you don't know what to do?

That, my love, is not love - but I'm guessing it was what you learned 'love' was when you were growing up.

Perhaps it's time to start creating some healthier relationships, which might mean you need to approach a therapist.

pinkyredrose · 01/07/2018 15:21

How has she been abusive?

PrizeOik · 01/07/2018 20:40

Ok so to summarize...

You feel she's been abusive to you
You feel disrespected and left out by her

Because:
She has made baseless accusations about you giving her an STI
She doesn't seem to want you at her apartment in case her friends come around with her after the concert - she wants to be alone with her friends

I will say that she's allowed to be by herself with her friends. That doesn't make her disrespectful of you.

And she's allowed to not want you in the apartment - for any reason.

If you aren't happy in the relationship and feel disrespected, you should end it. You can't change her into a different person just to suit you. She is who she is. Accept her or move on.

"Loving" someone isn't really that special or important. There are 3.5 billion women on this planet, you don't need to be with one who makes you feel shit.

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