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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DH is changing :(

36 replies

milesaway · 25/05/2007 14:11

I have been with my husband for about 8 years, we both used to have a daft sense of humour, we would talk crap for hours, do silly things, we were always best friends as well as husband and wife. He used to be a SAHD, I worked.

Anyway just before christmas DH got a new job, he's made friends with immature "lads" and he seems to be changing, he's going out drinking with them, chatting on the phone about boring things and it seems that we can no longer have a laugh.

For instance I used to make him phone his mum and say stupid things to her, yesterday he phoned her and I told him to say "we're going out chasing pigeons if you want to join us?" normally he would and his mum would be all confused before putting the phone down on him...this time he just turned around and said "oh grow up" and phoned his mum and spoke about what he needed and finished the call.

We used to make "deals" like I would tell him he could play on the playstation if he went to shop and got me a bar of chocolate and he would always do it, last weekend I told him we could make a "deal" and he said "if you want chocolate you'll have to go to the shop, I'm busy" and he turned the playstation on.

This morning he asked me to make him a cup of tea, I said I would if he let me flick his nose (normally he would laugh and say "go on then") but this time he just said "forget it, I'll do it myself".

I'm starting to feel a bit isolated, I never know what to say to him anymore he seems so different, I'm scared that if he continues to change we will no longer be compatible...

OP posts:
PetronellaPinkPants · 25/05/2007 14:18

hmm

Difficult one

Why do you think it is?

Iklboo · 25/05/2007 14:19

Maybe he's told the 'lads' the sort of stuff you do and they're ribbing him for it. You know what little boys are like

binkleandflip · 25/05/2007 14:22

Truthfully, I would be concerned as this does sound totally out of character for your dh. Think you definately have to have a grown-up talk about stuff (with no nose-flicking aloud!! ) and find out what has been the catalyst for the change and if it is a threat to your relationship or more a case of evolving and growing etc

Listmaker · 25/05/2007 14:28

Yes I think I'd be worried and want to have a serious chat with him about what is going on with him and he seems to be dismissing all the ways you used to be together.

ComeOVeneer · 25/05/2007 14:31

Milesaway did you not have a DP (who didn't live with you) that wanted you to bring his meals into the living room for him like his mum did? How does dh feel about your dp? Or am I getting you muddled ?

milesaway · 25/05/2007 14:36

no that wasn't me!

DH seems to love his new life, I'm starting to wonder if he's looking to change his life completely

OP posts:
ComeOVeneer · 25/05/2007 14:38

not you?

Chugnuts · 25/05/2007 14:38

So is someone else posting using your name?

milesaway · 25/05/2007 14:40

I don't know who posted that, It wasn't me, sorry.

OP posts:
MerryMarigold · 25/05/2007 14:41

How long has he been working at this job? Sometimes it just takes time to settle in, feel part of the gang and then get back to normal. Also, if he is stressed and has to be serious at work, it may be hard to switch off when home. I do similar silly stuff with my dh but when he is stressed he won't play, and when I am stressed I find his mucking about very irritating! Maybe he is loving it but it is also a major change and must be stressful to a certain extent.

Is he the kind of guy that is moulded by his surroundings. I am like that. Chatting with my in laws, I find myself speaking in a ridiculous indian accent when I am in fact English! Maybe he is fitting in with them for the time being. If you went on hols together he may be different and revert back when he is around you again. I'm sure he really loves you and his kids, and wouldn't knowingly jeopardise all that. Definitely worth a good chat when you are both fairly relaxed.

ComeOVeneer · 25/05/2007 14:41

No 2 people can have the same posting name. I feel a bit of trip trapping going on here.

tinymum · 25/05/2007 14:43

Its weird. Normally you hear men saying this sort of thing about their wives when they have been SAHM's and then get jobs. That it has changed them.

Maybe he is just stretching his wings a bit? It must feel very new to him, spending time with different people and working outside the home after being a SAHD for a while.

If I'm honest, if my husband tried to play those little games with me (the flick your nose thing etc) I would find it very irritating and a bit patronising (you can go on the playstation if you go to the shop? eh?) so maybe he has just had enough of doing all that? Does seem a bit strange though that he never minded before but now suddenly does....

MerryMarigold · 25/05/2007 14:43

you can't post using someone else's name can you. every name i seem to try has already been taken. in which case, what is going on milesaway?

MerryMarigold · 25/05/2007 14:44

it's not really something worth trolling about, is it? well done, comeoveneer. pity i didn't read your post before my long rant!

tinymum · 25/05/2007 14:45

God what a waste of everyones time. Does this happen alot on here?

Chugnuts · 25/05/2007 14:45

Is it a coincidence that the last thread was around the time of the school holidays too?

ComeOVeneer · 25/05/2007 14:46

I've become very suspicious in my old age

ComeOVeneer · 25/05/2007 14:46

Exactly chugnuts. It is very common come 1/2 term and holidays funnily enough.

mylittlestar · 25/05/2007 14:51
Hmm
JodieG1 · 25/05/2007 15:01

Was it you that posred before about the things you used to make your partner say on the phone and then laugh hysterically at it? Sounds familiar but I could be wrong.

ComeOVeneer · 25/05/2007 15:20

Strange that you haven't returned.

GameGirly · 25/05/2007 15:23

Bit too well written for kiddies, in my opinion. (But I am a very trusting soul!)

Mercy · 25/05/2007 15:27

Why on earth would you make your dh phone his mum and say stupid things just to confuse her?

I don't think it's your dh who is the immature one.

ComeOVeneer · 25/05/2007 15:30

Mercy OP has only posted on one other thread, last month, talking about a DP who doesn't live with her, now suddenly she has a DH of 8 years .

Mercy · 25/05/2007 15:32

Well spotted COV!

I didn't read the whole thread - obviously!

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