DH is angry with me

[sugerbum]

My DH has just found out that I have a bank account that I never told him about, I don't tell anyone about it, it's my "safety net", I've been putting money into it since I left my ex partner and each month I put a small ammount of money into it from my own wages, just about £20 a month...

DH is infuriated, not sure if I'm in the wrong or not.

I have two bank accounts that are nothing to do with DH. He would never get angry though. I don't understand why your DH is cross with you [puzzled emoticon]

if you had it from before you were with him, i don't really see the issue. Unless of course you and DH have struggled for cash lately, or you told him it was incase you ever left him. Don't think i'd be chuffed if DP had an account for incase he wanted to leave me!

Seriously though, unless you and DH needed cash for something and struggled, when all along you had that there, i don't see much of a problem.

How did he find out?

Dont think he should be 'infuriated', you're not shagging someone behind his back.....just have a savings account. Blimey, does he have to know every tiny thing about you?

I don't think you have done anything wrong. I, too have another bank account, in my maiden name, which I put money in now and again. Its sensible.

Maybe he thinks you're planning to leave him or something.

thet's a perfectly reasonable thing to do, especially if you've had one relationship fall apart before.

tell him to calm down, it's none of his business

Message withdrawn

Although I don't in any way think you are in the wrong, I think the reason your DH may be so upset is that you didn't tell him, which leads to him thinking you don't trust him.
Also if he knows you have had it since leaving your ex maybe he is worried you want it in case you break up and is feeling insecure.

how can it be none of herr DH business if she has a secret slush fund? What about trust in a relationship? sharing? I would be gutted if my DH has a similar thing -- why judge new partner to be same as old one?

ZZmum I get where you are coming from but we are all entitled to privacy even if married.

i can understand why you would have kept this from your dh early on in the relationship.i have been in abusive relationships and my xh used to steal from my purse etc as he was a gambler,so it took me a few months to learn to trust my dp when it came to money and i was very conrolling about it at first.but now i know i can trust him i would be open and honest about anything like that,and i can imagine he would be slightly put out if i had a secret fund i'd hidden from him,but i doubt he'd be 'furious'.

It sounds as if your DH doesn't like the fact that you kept this secret, or that you felt you needed this money, perhaps it has made him feel insecure, as if you were not fully committed to the marriage? I would be furious if I found anything like that out, as I would see it as being deceitful. If you ask him to explain exactly why he is cross it may help you to sort it out.

I have a sep acc, my own 'safety net' if you like. I think that is fine. DP knows about it tho, he knows I want my own money to do as I wish. He has the same, just chooses to put less in than me! I prefer that he knows about it, otherwise I think he would likely feel insecure about my intentions with it.

But having the account, should not be a problem.