I am a long time lurker, posting for the first time to get some objective feedback please. Married 20 years, teenage kids, good marriage on the whole. 18 months ago I discovered texts on H phone to a woman , he said it was just a stupid flirt- meant nothing. He started behaving strangely, away a lot for work over next 6 mths but always denied any problem. Long story short I discovered 1 year ago that he was having affair with woman in another country, meeting in hotels during the week. He said it was over in March, wanted to work on marriage. My F left my DM at around the same agefor a OW and was never seen again. I never suspected my H of infidelity. He is unhappy and frustrated in work and seems to resent me for decisions that were made jointly but have turned out to not be what he wanted. He said he felt ignored in the family.and that I did not pay enough attention to him. Anyway , we decided to work on marriage, all seemed ok then 6 months ago I discovered long whatsapp exhange over previous 6 mths between them of passionate affair, looking for a flat together, ready to leave, loves her so much, star crossed lovers etc.. . Confronted him and he collapsed. After a week II took him back. Things have been fairly good since then, doing more together, starting to rebuild trust. Then about 1 month ago he started travelling again and 1 week ago I found evidence ( I checked and feel bad about that) that he was in daily contract with same OW and responded to a suggestion that they have a trip away that he would book flights and hotel. I confronted him, he said it means nothing, he has not and and will not meet her.It means something to me, my peace of mind is gone. I am not financially dependent and believe emotionally I can get over this and maybe even feel happy again someday. So why am I willing to believe his obvious lies when he says he wants to work on marriage but keeps in contact with OW ? I feel worthless and exhausted, I can’t continue like this. He is away for a few days ( with DD so no risk of OW liasion) . I can‘tdecide what to do.. Any advice is really welcome. thanks