Constant gaming

[Cawfee]

Does anyone else have a DH who is constantly on the iPad or phone playing games? Like 12 hours a day? It’s what he does 1st thing in the morning and he’s on it constantly during the day until before bed. Now our son is playing the same game and it’s all they talk about. If I say “come on enough is enough” then I’m unreasonable or moody or difficult and I’m feeling increasingly depressed about it. I know it’s his life but how do you balance this stuff? Am I being unfair because his view is that I shouldn’t be dictating what he does with his personal free space and I watch tv and it’s no different to that but I don’t watch the same tv constantly. Maybe a programme an hour a day. I feel so emeshed and down about this that I can’t see the wood for the trees. Is anybody else dealing with this? I just want a normal functioning family!

It does sound OTT. I (male) play games on a console occasionally but never to that extent and usually when my DP is watching something I hate. I’m almost certainly a few years older than your DP though.

When I was younger (and especially in periods when I was single) I played a lot more frequently. I now see the flip side when my DC and SDC play for long periods and I find myself telling them to stop! I don’t think it’s unreasonable for you to ask both of them to curb the amount of time they’re playing. It’s not paying the bills, keeping up the house, educating them or doing anything else productive.

I’m a gamer (female with a toddler) but I play one evening a week when my OH is at work and my toddler is in bed. There are more important things he should be focusing on. I get it that sometimes people need to unwind and playing games is how some people relax but it shouldnt be all day! I don’t think you’re unreasonable for asking him to not play it constantly

Thanks for your opinions, I appreciate it. When he was playing console games then it tended to be a few hours after dinner every eve but then sat in a dark room all day at the weekend. I left him over that and promised were made. So he’s stopped that but now it’s a game on the iPad! It sits next to him in bed. He’s grabbing it the moment he wakes up and he walks around the house playing it or sitting in the living room with me but playing it. So he’s there but not really. It’s a game where he has to do certain tasks at certain times of the day too so he’s clock watching in the evenings. It’s just the constant nature of it. Any other hobby eg football would surely be 2/3 days a week max. My life has been invaded by it and I’m incredibly stressed and depressed. It’s not something I do and I feel I’m fighting a constant stream and a constant battle. My house is like an arcade! I’m constantly fighting with my eldest DC to get his attention away from it. It’s all he wants to do. He’s not making friends or wanting to go out. It’s his sole focus and I feel it’s my DHs influence that has led to this. I’m the sole voice of “let’s turn it off and do something else”. It’s been years and I’m exhausted and worn down by it. Any advice gratefully received

A tiny bit petty but in your shoes I'd also 'check out and see how long it takes them to register. My guess is you do the majority of house stuff like laundry etc so you could not do that and see how long it takes them to notice. Also do something you want all of the time - I appreciate that you're wanting to spend time with them but if you can't ( until they see reason) do something that makes you happy instead of waiting for them to be happy with you.

I do think though it seems your DH has a problem if he's done this with console games also so some tough words about this being worse than before may be in order.

I love gaming. I game for about six hours a day. BUT if I have friends over, or if I lived with someone who needed my attentionI'd cut down - or at least work out an arrangement - like a couple nights a week where I'm free to game and a couple nights where partner can find an enjoyable activity and I'll sort kids/the house.

Gaming addiction is an actual thing, maybe read up on it?