Am I over-reacting?

[myhusbandisamassivetwat]

Just had another row with not-so "D"H, and he's stomped off to bed in a huff.

I'm pissed off because I've had the kids all day, I don't feel well and I've done pretty much everything in the house, as usual. To be fair to him, he's walked the dog and spent 40 mins or so tidying the garden and went to the supermarket on his way home from the driving range.

I've not had a minute's peace all day. Kids are 6, 3 and 1. 3 year old is having an allergic reaction to something so is covered in hives. The other two were just hell bent on making as much mess as they could, all day. I took them all for a bath, found DH sat ion arse watching football once they were out. I'm the one who ends up putting them to bed, of course 1 and 3 refuse to go to bed so I made a passive aggressive comment at 9pm along the lines of "I really need to get some rest. When you don't feel well you go to bed at 7.30 and just leave me to it". He's told me I'm out of order and he doesn't want to speak to me any more. He's fucked off and left me with two kids to get to bed, a dog needing walked and a kitchen that looks like a bombsite.

Am I overreacting in wanting to just call time on this marriage? We both work full time but I get all the wifework too, and I'm fucking sick of it.

YANBU OP, he’s a dick.

Without breaking the mm non violence mantra I feel a golf club wrapped around his neck would be very therapeutic for you.
And ltb totally appropriate.

If all that's wrong is what you're describing, no back story, then I'd say you're over reacting. If he got knocked down tomorrow how would you feel? Sounds like grounds for a frank and free exchange of views rather than LTB.

You’re not overreacting at all. What a twat. You’re both their parents. Why the fuck does he see parenting and running the household as an optional extra when he can be bothered to get off the bloody sofa? It’s bullshit. You and the DC deserve a lot more.

I can’t help thinking if you split your life would be easier because you’d get some time off and he’d have to step up and look after them if he wanted to spend time with them.

Take a deep breath and do the bare minimum to get through the rest of the evening. But take stock tomorrow and work out how much he actually brings to your life of happiness, ease and value.

Erm, no,YANBU!

But why are u doing everything?! You should’ve just told him you’re not well and you’re going to bed, so he needs to step up?!

Where is he now?

Prawn the back story is that we have this conversation pretty much constantly. I ask him to pull his weight, he gets annoyed and we end up having a row. He seems to think that he's entitled to behave like this because he earns more than me and works longer hours. When I point out that I work full time too but actually put in more hours overall with work and family, he doesn't like it.

He's still in bed. All 3 kids are now asleep but I'm downstairs with 1 year old who's in her buggy cos I'm too angry to go upstairs.

I don't think it's unreasonable to ask my husband, the father of my children, to get off his fucking arse and actually contribute to family life so I'm glad you all agree.

I just don't know what to do. He just does not get it. Or he does actually get it and just doesn't give a shit. Is this what constitutes "unreasonable behaviour"?

Yes. Yes it is. I think unreasonable is being charitable. He’s being a fucking prick and making life harder by being in it.

Work out how much child support you’d get based on his amazing salary and imagine life without having to clear up after his bone idle arse.

I am very tempted to go it alone, Anne. I just know that family and friends will accuse me of overreacting.

Ah, I guessed that might be the case, myhusband but didn't like to assume. In which case, if it's a Herculean struggle to get him to pull his weight all the fucking time, then you're not overreacting.

If it were me I'd agree a time for a really serious talk and then have it. I'd make sure my DH knew that failure to engage would put the relationship itself at risk. When I did that my DH took my complaints very much to heart. I hope yours does the same.

Tell your family and friends to try living with him then.

Not their place to dictate to you. It's YOUR life, and it could be far less stressful.

My ex was out and out abusive and some people who I told we’d split still told me to go back and “work at it harder” Fuck what anyone else says or thinks. It’s your life love and you only get one.