I just dont know what to do anymore

[janexox]

Ive been with my partner now for a few years now and have a little boy together. Ive recently found out that my partner has been gambling and has been getting loans to fund it. The problem is I have found out through my partners parents and ive been told to keep it quiet so it doesn't cause a big family thing. I'm at a loss of what to do my partners got loans before and promised that it wouldn't happen again. i love him so very much and want to be able to help him. i just don't know how to bring it up without him turning against me and it causing a big row and nothing getting resolved.

They are basically enabling him to do this by asking you to ignore it to avoid arguments and that's not fair on you at all. Do you live with him? If so then of course this problem will get bigger and bigger with more debt and financial hardship for you as well as him so you have every right to talk to him about it. Otherwise he's never going to get help is he

Yes I do live with him. I know I should be upfront about everything but its hard to find the words to say and how to bring it all up. I know there will be an argument and theres no doubt about that i just don't want to do more damage. I also hate any type of confrontation so i don't want to just back down and it all happen again behind my back.

I just feel it eating away at me

I'm another addict. With me it's drink. I've been sober for many years. But gambling is probably the worst of the addictions for the family because of the terrifying financial insecurity you live with You need to separate yourself from him financially or his debts will affect you. And beware. Gambling addicts lose their morals - he may take out loans on your behalf, for instance

The family are reacting by hiding the truth, by telling you to lie. This is the absolute classic wrong thing to do. Everyone should be totally upfront. No secrets.

I'm not surprised it's eating away at you. You do realise you've got every right to be furious? He's a knob. And if he says he's sorry, tell him to go to Gamblers Anonymous meetings.

He does not want your help nor support and you are anyway woefully underqualified to actually help him.

You can only help your own self ultimately and his parents are basically enabling him. Enabling as they are doing does not work and only gives them a false sense of control. Gamcare have a useful link which I would urge you to read:-

www.gamcare.org.uk/get-support/partners-friends-and-family