We really are separating this time

[Maxisaretooshort]

So after 15 years and one DS (4), “D”P has gone to view a house to rent.

I think I’m in shock. Teary that he never changed for our family, that I wasnt worth enough for him to change, sad for all the stress and uncertainty I have lived through for years - it was for nothing.

I guess I always (stupidly) thought that one day there would be a lightbulb moment for him.

Practically the only change is that I’m going to have to talk to work about going in 45 mins later every day and my dog daycare bill will double.

I don’t think I’m sad about losing him and I think I have made peace about DS not being with me 7 days a week. DP says he wants him 50% but that isnt going to happen, DP will soon be claiming he is too busy with work and then it will be back to just DS and me

I feel ashamed though, i took DP back after an affair last spring and we have never recovered from that. I feel humiliated at telling everyone that we are over this time, that they will think i was stupid for even trying

Hey, hey, no one will think you're stupid! He's the stupid one, stupid and selfish! Everyone will be on your side. He might think he wants ds 50% but he won't. It'll take a while for the dust to settle, but you're well rid. You'll see! Be brave

I feel relief that after I speak to my boss I wont have sleepless nights weekly wondering where DP is. Having to go late to work(and lie to people) so I can drop DS at school.

I will be able to make plans and not have them cancelled because DP hasnt turned up or is sleeping off a hangover

STBXH (god that's the first time I've used that...) reads mn so will probably see this but

I took him back after he hurt me so many times. I came to the realisation that he will never be bothered to fight for our relationship, and will never love me in the same way I love him. So this time, despite him not actually doing a big thing like cheating or anything, I've just had enough.

You are not stupid for trying. Like me, you gave him his chance and he blew it. You will always be able to say that you gave it a fair shot.

Yy to feeling like this "I guess I always (stupidly) thought that one day there would be a lightbulb moment for him" - I've waited eleven years for his lightbulb moment. I thought the near split in the spring was it, when he made all the promises of counselling etc, but short of (allegedly) cutting contact with the emotional "OW", nothing changed.

OP, Adulting for one is hard, adulting for 2 when 1 is untrustworthy/unreliable is five times as hard, and more so when there are children involved.

You might be quite surprised at how much emotional and mental energy you recover now that you've taken this step.

I wish you peace of mind and heart.

He called at 12.30 this afternoon and said he wanted to spend time with DS this afternoon for a few hours. He didnt turn up, he went to the pub instead. I think that this shows it isnt me, its him.

Who tells a 4 year old he is coming to see him and then just doesnt show up)?

Wanker