Hi I'm new here! I am hoping that people might be able to offer some thoughts on my situation.
Been with my partner for 8 years, we have a 7 year old son. I became pregnant very quickly after meeting him but we decided to stick together. Over the years we have had many ups and downs, mainly relating to my partners use of cannabis and cocaine. I am absolutely against drugs and always have been, my dad was very abusive and used drugs such as these regularly which is probably why I hate them so much..
Anyway, over the years I have lost count how many times my partner has promised he will stop using cannabis. Multiple times he has told me he had stopped then started smoking it again behind my back, one time I found it in the house and another time I only knew he had started using drugs again because a letter came in the post from the police telling him how to pay his fine for possession of drugs. One time he smoked drugs with his friend and then got in the car with our son and drove. Soon as he admitted to this we broke up. Shortly after this he was diagnosed with kidney disease and told me that he was going to stop cannabis use so we got back together. Then about 8 months later I found cannabis in the shed and he admitted he had done it again. I forgave him again and thought that was it everything was fine and we decided to buy a house a year after be told me he had stopped. The day before we were due to complete on the house i can home from work and found a bag of cocaine on the floor, my son was in the front room, he told me that the dealer had just dropped it off. I was livid, he said he had planned to do it whilst out son was at my mum's and he was moving and painting. He denies using it before this time.
Fast forward to a few months later we are both living with each other after a period of a couple of weeks where he stayed at his mum's and I just can't get over it, I want to end it with him, I just can't forgive him. I said this to him and he had a massive go at me and told me how unreasonable I was being and I should just forget it and move on. But I can't, I can't even look at him without feeling resentment and anger.
I can go back to my mum's but means changing my son's school again and he is very settled and happy but I just can't bear it here and I doubt he will leave the home we share.
I'm becoming so low that I just feel like what's the point in my life anymore. I want to end it but he isn't having any of it and refuses to go.
Any comments would be greatly appreciated.
Xx