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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Just need people's thoughts...

14 replies

W00dlands · 30/06/2018 15:39

Hi I'm new here! I am hoping that people might be able to offer some thoughts on my situation.

Been with my partner for 8 years, we have a 7 year old son. I became pregnant very quickly after meeting him but we decided to stick together. Over the years we have had many ups and downs, mainly relating to my partners use of cannabis and cocaine. I am absolutely against drugs and always have been, my dad was very abusive and used drugs such as these regularly which is probably why I hate them so much..

Anyway, over the years I have lost count how many times my partner has promised he will stop using cannabis. Multiple times he has told me he had stopped then started smoking it again behind my back, one time I found it in the house and another time I only knew he had started using drugs again because a letter came in the post from the police telling him how to pay his fine for possession of drugs. One time he smoked drugs with his friend and then got in the car with our son and drove. Soon as he admitted to this we broke up. Shortly after this he was diagnosed with kidney disease and told me that he was going to stop cannabis use so we got back together. Then about 8 months later I found cannabis in the shed and he admitted he had done it again. I forgave him again and thought that was it everything was fine and we decided to buy a house a year after be told me he had stopped. The day before we were due to complete on the house i can home from work and found a bag of cocaine on the floor, my son was in the front room, he told me that the dealer had just dropped it off. I was livid, he said he had planned to do it whilst out son was at my mum's and he was moving and painting. He denies using it before this time.

Fast forward to a few months later we are both living with each other after a period of a couple of weeks where he stayed at his mum's and I just can't get over it, I want to end it with him, I just can't forgive him. I said this to him and he had a massive go at me and told me how unreasonable I was being and I should just forget it and move on. But I can't, I can't even look at him without feeling resentment and anger.

I can go back to my mum's but means changing my son's school again and he is very settled and happy but I just can't bear it here and I doubt he will leave the home we share.

I'm becoming so low that I just feel like what's the point in my life anymore. I want to end it but he isn't having any of it and refuses to go.

Any comments would be greatly appreciated.
Xx

OP posts:
Grumpyoldblonde · 30/06/2018 15:42

Well he doesn't get a say in the relationship being over, that's your very wise choice.

So you live in the house you own together?

W00dlands · 30/06/2018 15:45

Yes we both live here, he said he would get counselling and help but he has done nothing. He won't leave so I guess I have to, he says I'm being very unreasonable but I don't think I am at all!

OP posts:
Grumpyoldblonde · 30/06/2018 16:04

Of course you're not unreasonable, you can't raise a child around a druggie lower.

I meant you own the house? Jointly? Shared the deposit costs and so on.

Grumpyoldblonde · 30/06/2018 16:05

Loser not lower sorry.

MadeForThis · 30/06/2018 16:11

He's dangerous. He has left drugs lying around where your Ds could access them.

You need to leave.

W00dlands · 30/06/2018 16:14

Hi sorry yes we both own it. His parents put in 27k deposit and I put 3k towards deposit and I paid all the fees and stamp duty. We have only lived here 3 months! Not sure what I can do about the house, I can afford the mortgage payments however the mortgage company say I am unable to take over the mortgage due to my earnings and I can't afford to buy him out and return the deposit

OP posts:
W00dlands · 30/06/2018 16:15

I agree. He said well he didn't find them you did, I said I can't even believe you let a drug dealer come to the house!!

OP posts:
Grumpyoldblonde · 30/06/2018 16:18

Then he'll have to buy you out. You need legal advice. You were foolish to buy the house with the history but too late now. You have to leave him though. It's no way to raise children. He's a low life criminal and scumbag. See a solicitor.

W00dlands · 30/06/2018 20:50

Thank you for advice. Well he just admitted he used cocaine solidly for 6 months when he told me he wasn't. So yeah I'm definitely done!

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 30/06/2018 20:54

Get legal advice and end your relationship

Thereis always a way. If you really are done. He thinks you will keep sweeping it under the rug like you foolishly always have done.

Prove him (and us) wrong. I am afraid I judge you too for raising a child in this environment.

MyKingdomForBrie · 30/06/2018 20:56

He needs to buy you out, or his parents do. Talk to them and explain.

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 30/06/2018 21:08

I think the DGP need to know. Both sets, iyswim. Their involvement may change matters.

W00dlands · 30/06/2018 21:14

It's ok you can judge me, you don't know the full situation but totally understand your judgement. But I am done, my son and myself deserve better. Thank you for your advice I really appreciate it x

OP posts:
KataraJean · 30/06/2018 21:20

I understand you don’t want to move your son, but unless you can afford to rent where you are now, I would suggest going back to your mum’s if that is an option. There’s too many lines been crossed here. You can see a solicitor about him buying you out of the house.

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