Avoiding an affair

[OhFFSNigel]

Name changed for obvious reasons. Has anyone ever found them really tempted by another person and how the hell do you get out of it/past it.

Things haven't been great with me and DP for a while but I thought we were on the up. In five years I've never had my head turned apart from one person I see professionally who I am ashamed to admit I have fantasised over, but I have never gone further than pure imagination although I did suspect the chemistry could be mutual. Said person, who is in a position of control over me, has now started contacting me in what feels like a flirty manner and I don't know how to handle it. I feel like the worst person ever for even thinking about it. But I'm imagining what my life would be like with this person which is completely ridiculous! Please help. Is this a sign I should leave my partner?! I just don't know what to do with these feelings. I can't stop thinking about him and I hate it.

You imagine them on the toilet with a skiddy pants.

You focus on all the negative things about their personality.

You definitely, definitely do not entertain flirtatious comments or behaviour.

And you keep everything professional.

I know it's the not the advice you might want to hear, but you made a commitment and you focus on the person you're with.

Sorry that sounded way more blunt than I meant it to be! I do sympathise, crushes are fun but frustrating. But I'd keep a professional distance.

I agree I'd keep a distance because you are married and you have a professional relationship too.

Myself and my H are going through a rough period and last year I bumped into my ex. He started messaging me and it became more flirty and then he wanted to have a ons with me. I said no and we've gone NC. Tempting as it was I realised he was just after sex and I'm glad I refused

You keep them at arm's length. You don't spend time with them. When this sort of thing turns into an affair, people always say "we just fell in love" or similar. You can't fall in love if you don't hang out with the person. A few lunches, however, and a romance is easily started.

Don’t see them. If you see them professionally see someone else as you’re placing them in a difficult situation. It’s a fantasy but needs reining in.
Set up good times with your husband. Reconnect around things you used to enjoy together. Affairs don’t help you over the difficult patches, good communication and effort does.

OP - you aren’t married and you aren’t locked up.
So - if you are fantasising about another person - then, maybe - your current relationship has run its course.

This is how relationships end. You stop wanting the person you are with. And - meet someone new.

You can - try to suppress it, if course. And may succeed this time.
And then, next time - it might happen even stronger.

Your first decision is whether you want to continue in a relationship with your DP.

Just put a clear barrier up. Stop the fantasising. The grass it rarely greener!

I think you need to have a think about you and DP separate from the other person at work. If you want to be with DP then act like it but if you don't you should end it.
The person at work is completely separate to your relationship and I don't think you should let that influence your relationship, for example if you left DP for the person at work and it turns out all he wants is sex.. you would feel stupid for ending your relationship for it so maybe try and separate this and decide if you want to be with DP or not, then that will decide on the other issue for you

I would consider leaving my relation or work on it and avoid the crush.

Figure out what you want. Is it worth staying or not.

I think it's worth asking yourself what you're missing in your current relationship that you imagine you'll get with the other person. Less fun than a fantasy, but probably more realistic. It's not easy though.

Been there especially when I go through tough times with DH. No advice really, just accept it I'd say, you can't really block your fantasies or feelings. Also probably worth trying to see where is the issue with DP, and try to bridge that gap, tell him how far away mentally you are without mentioning your feelings for someone else.
At the end of the day do what makes you happy, it might worth giving up on DP just as long as you're happy you tried your best first