Why is exdp trying to get me back?

[Pineappler]

I split up with exdp several years ago. We had multiple issues, such as lack of intimacy, him not wanting to marry me etc. All coincided with us having children, we had been fine prior to dc.

Since then we have been amicable, he pays maintenance for our dc and we live locally so co parent well. A few months ago I started dating and am happily doing so, he knows this but I don't tell him specifics as not really his business and would be odd to share romantic information with an ex.

Recently my ex has become quite full on though. Being kind and helpful with diy, suggesting going on family holidays etc. He never moved on and dated again. When he collects dc he's tried to hug, grope me etc and when I protest he says things like 'oh you used to love us being together'.

My instinct is that he knows I'll be in a serious relationship at some point and he doesn't want that, I'm also worried he could try to scupper my dating. He didn't used to care though. Is this his pride at stake? He said I'll never meet anyone better than him on my dating

Thinking of you as a possession I guess, and therefore being possessive and threatened. I would shift the boundaries a bit, no hugs or intimate chats.

Sounds like the classic "I don't want you but I don't want anyone else to have you."

I agree with pp, you need to put some stronger boundaries in place. Why is he doing your DIY? (it won't be "because it's the DC's home" despite what he says)

He has suddenly realised you might actually go off with someone else. Maybe that hurts his ego or his sense of possession or his idea of what life should be.

Think about it, he had what he wanted, he has his children, his amiable life, but he didn’t have to marry you, be intimate with you on a regular basis and could go and and pick his toes while watching the footie. You co-parent happily so he thought it would stay like that. I bet you even made him lunch occasionally.

Now there was a another man on his patch !

That's what I suspected Brownturkey, possessiveness.

The other thing is happiness is very sexy & attractive. If you’ve gone from being a frazzled single mum to a loved-up.glowing woman, he’s realised what he’s missing.

Agree with pps about clearer boundaries.

I think it was Bridget Jones who said that exes should never, ever sleep with or fall in love with anyone else again, ever, but should stay perpetually single and celibate to provide you with a mental fallback position.

The difference is, that was a comedy and Helen Fielding was joking.

He sees you as his possession. You need to set firm boundaries. Careful though....he may turn nasty.

Groping you is actually sexual assault.

Groping you, wtaf?! Do hangovers at the door, don’t let him in, refuse all offers to do DIY etc. Entitled prick!

I agree the groping was unacceptable and told him that. Good point about going from frazzled shell to glowing single woman I'm very happy and having lots of fun now, that's probably also what has really drawn him back shame he didn't care when I was with him I'll definitely enforce boundaries, I'm looking for an excellent man now

He doesn't want you but doesn't want anyone else to have you.

Tell him the next time he gropes or tries to hug you, he'll have to get his parents to pick up your child.

Normal behaviour would be to ask you on a date, or to talk about getting back together. Not to grope you without your consent when dropping the kids off.

I agree too with the person who warned you that he may turn nasty once he realises that you won't come running back - be prepared, OP.

He was expecting women / fanjos galore and it hasn't happened.

Some men start thinking about turning up to collect the kids and the door being opened by a stepdad.

Love this lol
I loved my ex and will always care about him (somewhere in the back of my head as we produce the most awesome daughter who one day will set the world on fire ) but after we split 2 years in I met my husband. I absolutely adore him above any man I have ever know. I couldn't love any man more.
Your ex had his chance.
Please be kind to him BUT this is your time. Enjoy :)