Is he right?

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Last night, husband and I were talking about all of the DIY jobs that we have been putting off for ages and really need doing.

We need the carpets cleaned, garden fence painted, downstairs needs decorating, actually the whole house could do with a deep clean. Our garden also borders a very large hedge which has grown very tall and out of control. These are all big jobs which obviously will take a lot of time to do.

We both work full time, earn good money and crucially have very little free time to relax and spend together.

I said I would be more than happy to pay to have these jobs done by a professional. I really don't want to spend my free time (which is limited) doing these jobs.

Husband vehemently disagreed, saying he doesn't want to spend the money and could do just as good a job as a professional etc.

I said it wasn't about his ego and I'm sure he could do a good job, but that I feel it would be worth spending the money io essentially buy us some free time.

He is always complaining about how tired he is, that he never gets time to do anything yet he is so tight sometimes when it comes to money (something which he categorically denies )

I then said, but wouldn't it be nice if we could have the kitchen painted and maybe go out and have a nice lunch somewhere or go and do something fun for a few hours?

His response - But I think it would be fun and romantic if we painted the kitchen together.

He also said that if I didn't want to help, I could always pay him to do all of the jobs rather than a professional.

Yet again he seems to have spectacularly missed the point. I just get so fed up with him at times.

I really don't want to spend my free time (which is limited) doing these jobs ... His response - But I think it would be fun and romantic if we painted the kitchen together

This doesn't sound terminal - it just sounds like you both have a different perception of these jobs. He sees them as a fun thing you could both do together and enjoy the process. You see them as a drudge and want the time to do something else.

Can you compromise? Get a professional in to do the boring/equipment heavy ones (like carpet cleaning) and pick one (like painting the kitchen) to do as a joint project?

(I quite like painting - you choose the paint, stick on some music, take tea breaks together and have the satisfaction of a job well done.)

But his suggestion you pay him to do them is weird.You're married - the money would be half his anyway, and when he received it it would be half yours. Just ... no.

Speaking as someone who has had the same fight with ‘D’P.

My way of getting him to see sense was … a spreadsheet.
He’s a contractor, so for example we needed the bathroom doing. His thought was plumber for the ‘big’ bits and he’d do the tiling etc.

I got 3 quotes, and pointed out that due to commitments he had over the weekend for the month that the plumbers could do, we’ have to take time off work.

Plumber was quoting £X
I
With the time off etc we’d be losing £X -£250 a day gross. And have a shitty bathroom for longer than necessary.

It was only when he saw in black & white that he got ‘it’, but he can be money orientated. Don’t know if this helps?

There have been a couple of small jobs we have done together, and he’s agreed it wasn’t worth the arguments .

Plus has you got all the equipment you’ll need? Dust covers, brushes, tape? And for the hedge, that really needs a professional with safety equipment.

Good Luck!

I think he's just one of those people who find it hard to part with his hard earned money.

You're going to have to compromise. Do some small jobs yourselves and pay for someone to do the big jobs.

Hmm, maybe I am reluctant to compromise. I just really hate DIY!

However, I have done plenty of it in the past, in fact I've never paid to have jobs done but I think at this stage of our lives, why not?

He even said, if money were no object then of course we would pay to have it done! Which proves that it's not about bloody romance, it's him penny pinching when there is just no need!

There is nothing 'romantic' about DIY or decorating.

Is he imagining you in dungarees, duster tied round your head and blob of paint on the end of your nose a la Nicole Sherzinger?

It's hot, tiring, achey and you moan at each other that you've a missed bit or it's gone streaky.

Exactly! Personally I'm not sure we would do as good of a job as a professional decorator. All the cutting in, the skirting boards and ceilings need doing.

He would just slap the paint on!

I agree with you. If you have the money and little free time then it's logical to get it done professionally. That's what you earn money for.

My ex is like this except he never did diy either so I ended up doing the painting. We live in a beautiful house which could have looked perfect with some money which we easily have. Instead it's looked a bit of a mess with lots of little things needing doing.

I'm buying a house now and the first thing I'm going to do is make it look beautiful. Decorated and furnished nicely. He can stay in this dump whilst be watched his money rather dust.

It’s a tough one. Personally I’d rather pay for these jobs and have the time to do more fun things - but perhaps it’s not a bad trait to want to do them himself - it saves money for you both and shows he is not lazy man- no bad thing. Problem is then the speed of getting it done considering you both work full time.

The painting together thing is not a bad idea - shows he is willing to try to do something to bond with you.

Sounds like something you should be able to work out to me.

Well, doing DIY together could be romantic but only if both actually enjoy/get satisfaction out of it. When one of the two hates every minute, it's not romantic. What's stopping you going ahead and getting someone in anyway?

He's definitely not lazy, he's very proactive but I wish he would prioritise spending time with me over saving the pennies.

You're right, I could just go ahead and arrange everything but I'd really like it if we were in agreement. Maybe the compromise is us 'romantically' decorating the kitchen together but paying to have everything else done.