Had a good relationship with bf of 2 years, except some trust issues - found him on a dating site 9 months ago and offering (unsuccessfuly) sex to a woman, he of course minimised and said it was never meant to materialise, it was a mistake and never going to happen again. Also some issues with his fb female friends, where his story didn't add up but I put it down to some level of flirting without going further. I nearly dumped him over the dating site issue, but later slowly regained trust (not without intensive questioning at times which he was happy to answer). Other than that, all good, he was loving, caring etc. (also has a tendency of white lies).
He has his legal battle going on to get access to his children. Over the 2 years I've known him he's lost his contact from regular to none, according to his ex his kids don't want to see him, according to various report he's bitter emotions for marriage breakdown (4 years ago) transpire into the communication with his DC and poison it. It is clear that him and ex hate each other, although none of them bad individually, and the kids are caught up in the turmoil.
He asked me to go to the court with him. So I can tell (given opportunity) that he is brilliant with my DC. I went. His ex approached me and in short three minutes cried out her eyes, saying how vile he is, how DC suffer because of him, how he does not stop pestering etc. She said she feels sorry for me and wouldn't let my kids anywhere near him. In addition, she added, 9 months ago he was on the dating site and tried to pursue her friend, she mentioned name and it wasn't the one I knew. I went into total shock and ended up breaking up with him as soon as we came home. I told him what his ex told me, that I knew bits of it already but the extent seems to be much bigger and I am done, and I left.
A day later, started feeling some regret (naturally) and texted him saying I wished I was never in that court. He told me I believed his ex lies, I did not defend him and I let him down and crumbled under pressure, his ex played me and successfully broke us up so now he is done with me. And blocked me after this.
So from feeling vicious about him cheating (because the timing and details matched of what I partially already knew), I went being blamed and feeling guilty that I misjudged the situation and believed his ex'es lies.
I just sent him an an email saying sorry for my mistake and I love him and it's been only a day since and can we please not to give up. This will be my only email to him.
Part of me is thinking I made a massive mistake of mistrust (due to history). Another part of me thinking he has manipulated me in feeling guilty and make it feel as it is all my fault.
I am also gutted that he is not attempting to correct his ex'es sttement and fight for us, but simply letting our 2 year solid relationship go and allowing "ex to achieve her mission to break us up".. Just 2 days ago he was telling me how much he loves me and how lucky he is to have me.
Something does not sit right and I am going from feeling terribly guilty for screwing the relationship like in 5 minutes, then thinking it is gaslighting and manipulation and I have a mug written all over mug forehead.
Where do I go from here? (not much I can do apart waiting)