Is this annoying or just to me?

[fannyanddick]

Finding 'd'h very hard work of late. I Have occasionally complained that I'm feeling a bit low/depressed (not clinically). In my head he is largely to blame for this.

So tonight as he was off to bed we had this exchange "

Him - I'm off to bed".
Me -I wanted to go early but after cutting the grass etc I'm a bit late, but I'll come soon
Him - yes you should, not having enough sleep is why you're feeling depressed.
Me- no it's not.
Him- yes it is
Me -please don't tell me why I feel how I feel.
Him annoyed. - Well don't tell me how you feel
Me -
Him - well you're always telling me how I feel
Me - no I don't
Him - you were telling me how to increase my protein
(A few days ago He said he was trying to eat more protein and I suggested some ideas then tried to google it. He got annoyed because apparently he actually wanted a monologue during which I nodded).

Anyway, is this really annoying. Surely 'I'm down' should be met with questions about how I'm feeling and asking if he could do anything to help. Not him telling me I wouldn't be if I did x, y and z. Plus getting defensive.

Let it go. Standard bickering.

He sounds irritating, yes.

I didn't think it was trivial though. I took 'go to bed, that's why your depressed' to mean it's all your own fault if you feel down, plus it's annoying that you're coming to bed late and I absolve myself for you feeling down even though I'm often an arse.

You’re both contributing to the bickering.

His opening statement is totally neutral.

Your first comment sounds like you’re having a dig.

His second comment is annoying, I agree.

The protein discussion, I’m sort of inclined to think you went too far with the googling, though if your relationship was in a better place, he probably wouldn’t have found it so irritating. He didn’t want a monologue where you nodded (again that’s you finding him irritating because of the background stuff going on), a few helpful suggestions would have been fine, but not to start taking over.

So, you are going through a bad patch, both finding the other annoying, not communicating properly, both jumping down each others’ throats, getting riled about things which if you were in a better place, you would let go. This is normal in any long term relationship but if it goes on too long can kill it off and make you both very unhappy.

Thanks hedda. That is interesting insight. I think that because he is (genuinely) a more difficult character than me then I see myself as in the right a lot and consider him to be the unreasonable one who behaves as others wouldn't. But then I am clearly passive aggressive or frosty and in those instances are in the wrong. It is also interesting to hear that the googling was annoying. I thought he was being very precious about that but maybe I was being annoying.

Although the mowing thing was t meant to be a dig, more of an explanation.

Men always think women expect them to offer a solution to a problem not discuss it untill the woman finds a solution. He isnt a counsellor.
I suspect in his mind you have a problem he offered a solution end off...Just standard bickering.
If you believe you have deppression even if its low level see a gp not your husband.

Technically he could be right. Lack of sleep can lead to a series of issues such as depression.

Yet being right doesn't prevent him from being sensitive.