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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What next?

3 replies

Alittlelost1 · 29/06/2018 19:49

I’m in a bit of a mess and what I’m going to try and explain, may not make sense. Please bear with me.

I’m properly single for the first time since finding my first boyfriend, aged 17. I’m now 30.... I appear to jump from one relationship to another as It would appear, I can’t be single.

I’ve never really struggled to find someone yet each time a relationship breaks down, I’m convinced I’ll be single forever and quickly find someone to fill the ‘hole in my life’.

During tonight’s thereapy session my counsellor and I discussed codependency and a few things have become apparent. I have an unhealthy relationship with my mother (who clearly has her own MH issues), I mould myself in to being ‘the right person’ for a guy and pride myself on being every thing that they want and need, accepting awful behaviour and mistreatment (emotionally, never DV) although I am scared that the next awful partner could over step the mark and I’d probably just accept it as my self-worth and esteem are so low.

The last thing she said (and I can’t even disagree) was that I need to work out who I am!!!! I’m 30 years old!!!! How can I not know who I am? How do I find out??

OP posts:
mummmy2017 · 29/06/2018 19:52

Try being single and k owing it's OK not to have someone.

Disquieted1 · 29/06/2018 20:07

I've been to Georgia, and California.....

You've never had the chance to find out. You've gone from parents to partners and never really found out who YOU are.
Spend time alone and really think about who you are, what your beliefs are and what you want. I bet you'll be surprised what you find out. So much is learned behaviour and not really you.

8FencingWire · 29/06/2018 20:28

Yy, live on your own for a while.
I never knew how tidy I am and how much the mess others create messes with my mental health.
I never knew what to do if the silence was deafening me.
I never knew how much I enjoy spending time on myself, my interests, and how rushed and guilty I was made to feel when I did take time for myself.
So no, op, it’s nothing strange about your wish.

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