Hey gang.
I totally agree with the post with the above title.
But I have something to add. And that's YOUR responsibility as someone hearing about someone else being abused.
Being judgemental, criticising someone for staying, asking them why they don't just leave, attacking someone who is clearly in pain is bordering on abusive YOURSELVES. Telling her to get some self respect etc, asking her why she puts up with it/thinks he hasn't changed, insulting her, taking an aggressive tone. That doesn't really make you much better than anyone that would hurt her in a relationship.
Show some more empathy and understanding. And at least EDUCATE yourselves. Abusive relationships can and do happen to anyone. They are statistically far harder to get out of than normal relationships because they create something called trauma bonds - which create psychological/biochemical bonds with the person who is doing the harming. Just like it's harder for abused children to walk away from abusive parents, the same is true in abusive relationships. Please don't feel bad Lotte or that the problem is with you, it's not with you - it's with him. Abusive relationships knock down your self esteem, isolate you - many things happen that cause you to be thrown off balance and they make it very hard to leave. Not to mention, men are mostly likely to kill their partners after they have left - so there's one for all of you telling her to just leave.
If you can't be kind and understanding, then sit back down. And if you don't understand why you need to be, then educate yourselves on how abuse works and how traumatic and difficult it is to deal with and leave. YOU are part of the problem. If a woman comes for help and you are bashing her, YOU are harming her self esteem and making her feel worse. BE SUPPORTIVE. Or you are taking the side of the abuser. Really ask yourself - is that something to be proud of?
www.thehotline.org/is-this-abuse/why-do-people-stay-in-abusive-relationships/
If you are being abused. I'd really recommend the book "Why Does he Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft.
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You can also find advice on Our Place Forum, for other people who have been abused or are still being abused and are trying to get out. Also reach out to charities who help people who are being abused. You deserve better and you can get the support and help you need