Something to keep me going today please

[InNeedOfAFriend]

Hi everyone
I don't have a lot of time as my son (17 months old) is having a quick nap so I will add to this later.
Right now, I'm just asking for some words to keep me going through the day, at least until 8pm when he falls asleep - I can fall apart then.
I need to smile and be happy for him and not let him see that I'm falling apart inside.
I'm reaching out here because I'm lonely and so very sad right now.

Sorry you are feeling so low.
Is there anyone who can come round later to keep you company?

I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time

Is the sun shining where you are? Could you and your son go for a walk somewhere?

Sometimes you just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other, one tiny step at a time, if you don't want to do it for yourself, do it for your baby. I do know how hard it is so sending strength to get through the next few hours .

Oh bless you... find one tiny win at a time and it'll all add up

When he wakes, if you can get outside then do, and look up not down. I hope you find something to make you smile a little x

Keep going your baby needs you

What are the root causes of your feeling so low here?.

Are you socially isolated?.

Have you sought help from your GP?.

Hi there, sorry to hear you're having a crap time - we are here and listening when you're ready to talk.

Sorry your having a hard time op

Thank you so much everyone. That's my son in his bed. I'm such a mess that I just lay silently crying beside him until he fell asleep. Right now, every day when I wake up I count down til bed time when I don't need to pretend to be ok or go to soft plays and see all the happy mums and dads.

Today has probably been the worst day so far. A few weeks ago my partner moved home to his parents so we could have a break after non stop arguing since my son was born. We weren't perfect before that but things really went downhill after that. I was absolutely devastated but thought it might be good for us but that quickly changed for my partner. He told me the night he left that he doesn't know if he loves me anymore and today he got really angry with me for asking if he would be away longer and told me until he says otherwise he won't be coming back and that the house isn't his home. I've been so upset every night and I always text him to say goodnight and that I love him and he never replies and never asks how I am when he comes to see our son.

He's told me he's severely depressed and i know all about this and his counselling sessions and I understand the current change going on - he's having to talk about some horrific childhood abuse with his therapist. I'm really trying to not be selfish but I feel like I'm in limbo.

He seems so detached from me and whenever he sees me upset he gets really pissed off. It breaks my heart. I think I've lost him for good and I can't bare the thought as he means the world to me.

It's taking everything I have to wake up every morning and carry on and I worry I am such a terrible mum to my son because I don't have a genuine smile in me.

Sorry for rambling on.

I’m so sorry you’re going through such an awful time. Do you have anyone you can talk to in real life? Family? Friends? You sound like you’re doing the very very best you can for your son

It sounds like your OH is trying to get to grips with his demons, that's his personal life, that's his to deal with, you should be focusing on your child, if he's left you OP then you have to realise you can do nothing to help him. I always say this to women who try to hard , step back, he wants space, give it him, don't be needy,don't be desparte, look after you and your kid, its usually they are so involved in themselves they can't see the damage, go low contact, keep your counsel, if he wants you he knows where you are

Sounds like a tough situation, OP, thank you for updating.

It sounds like this happens to a lot of men... baby arrives and suddenly they are no longer the main focus of the woman (who is looking after baby).

In my real life, the couples that are still together are the ones where the man has stepped up and become a parent, not sulked in the corner because someone more important than them has come along.

Yes, depression is a real thing and it's good that your DP is taking steps, but it's no excuse to act like a selfish twat.

You are NOT a terrible Mum. Please do not ever think that. It sounds as though you are very empathetic and whatever your DP is going through is taking its toll on you too. Do you have real life support you can reach out to, friends/ family? Wishing you all the best.

Draw a line under this now OP. You need to walk away from the ex, have time to grieve the loss of course for it is a loss but equally, make time to celebrate the beautiful new life lying contentedly in your arms.
I'm a great believer in 'Fake it until you make it', personally so....get out and about with baby, join some groups or just make some plans for the weekend, step away from contacting ex partner but make it plain that he doesn't get to decide when he comes back or if he comes back...there's a strong sense of self centred, arrogant entitlement in what he said to you.
Make it plain that you're not some giddy girl waiting for the phone to ring or hanging on his every word with bated breath.
You are better than that.
I'm sorry he's having to deal with some horrific personal trauma but he doesn't have to project his stuff onto you or the baby does he? He doesn't have to take it out on others like this does he?
Step back, make some space for yourself and determine that whatever happens, your baby needs to see you smile again.

Thank you for the advice.

I have support from my sister and one good friend although she lives too far away to visit.

Yesterday was really hard I had to work really hard to keep it together for my son. He kept pointing at his dad's chair and then when I would say, 'yes daddy's chair' he would gesture to say 'where is he?' It was killing me. I also felt so sad and lonely being out and about on a Sunday in the nice weather watching all the happy families together. I know I need to stop feeling so sorry for myself and get a grip but I am just so utterly heartbroken, everything hurts.