Feel patronised

[Malibeau]

Been having a hard time with my 18mo DS this month especially, losing motivation to do anything at all due to exhaustion.

My Dad has offered to take DS from me for a few days next week so I can get my house and mind tidied and clear again. I'm truly grateful he's offered to do that for me.

DP (of 4 months) has also been suggesting things I could do to get my mojo back, which is lovely of him and I know he cares and is concerned. One of the things he suggested was getting out for a few drinks with a friend asap and he offered to babysit for me. I've arranged this and I'm going out on Saturday evening with a friend.

But last night we were talking about my social life again. I work from home so I don't have colleagues to chat to or go on work do's with, etc. I lived abroad for 4 years before coming back to England 2 years ago so I'm no longer close to the friends I used to have here. Yes we have met up before but I often feel left out and different. They're all married, no kids, home owners...

So the reason I feel patronised is because DP said I should 'aim big' for getting my social life back on track. Made me feel like a complete loner. I feel like he's expecting me to be this massive social butterfly, like I'll disappoint him and not be the girl he seems to be expecting me to be if I don't make an effort with these friends who I no longer feel a connection with anymore

We haven't texted all morning since he left for work, and we're usually texting throughout the day everyday. Does he maybe sense he upset me? Should I confront him? I know he's only concerned for my happiness but he really made me feel pathetic

Maybe he just meant you should try to get back in touch with them all again or make new friends even? I don't think it sounds like he's patronising you. Are you totally sure about leaving your child with him when you've only been dating for 4 months though?

@Shoxfordian I guess I should ask him exactly what he means by 'aim big'?

And yes we've been friends for 13 years before becoming a couple recently so I totally trust him with DS.

Yeah you could have a conversation with him about it. Maybe you could go to a meetup group to make some friends as well if he can regularly babysit? Can he introduce you to his friends as well? I don't think he was meaning to be rude to you from what you've said.

I think it sounds more like he wants you to feel he's supporting you to go out and socialise. I doubt he means partying 7 nights a week, but it sounds like you're feeling a bit stuck in a rut currently and he's wanting you to let your hair down for the night.

I think it sounds more like he wants you to feel he's supporting you to go out and socialise.
^ This.

Have you thought through what kind of social life you think you would like, OP? Do you like the idea of finding a new group of people? Catching up with old friends? Seeing people one-on-one maybe once a week or once a fortnight while your DP babysits?

Yeah that sounds likely. I won't go in all guns blazing then saying he's upset and patronised me shall I still ask him what he means by aiming high or am I asking to feel offended again?

I mean I'm not one for going on big nights out anymore to be honest. I'm 28, I like smaller get togethers for food and drinks. I really would like a new group of friends that I can relate to more. I've tried Mum and Toddler groups in the past and have never got on well enough with the other mums I'm trying that app called 'peanut' at the moment but not having any luck.

The friend I am meeting on Saturday is my closest friend at the moment I would say. I've not known her long (we met on the baby bump app and discovered we live nearby) She's almost a decade younger than me so I'm sure she would prefer to party all night sometimes.

You may find that "aiming high" was an entirely throwaway phrase that didn't really mean very much at all. He might just not have been able to come up with a more considered phrase that was nearer to what he meant. Maybe what he meant was "really think through what you'd like, and I'll support you in trying to achieve it." Maybe he didn't, but my point is, unless I'm missing something because I (obviously) wasn't there when he said it, don't get too hung up on two words.

I wouldnt say anything. If you've got an 18 month old then do you think having a big social life is going to help if you feel exhausted. I'm sure there's plenty of mums who just want to meet for a coffee. Does Yr DP live with you? Just think about why you found his comments upsetting and do what you want. Has he got children?