Advice when splitting up

[needyourlovingtouch]

I'm hoping that I can persuade my husband to leave. I want him to rent a room with shared bills to keep the cost down. I will stay in the house with our one child.

If we divorce, will this put me in a stronger position? What can I do to be in as good a position as possible. I'm probably deluded but I want to get him to sign the house over to me. If that happened would it be up for grabs again during divorce? I earn a lot less than him and my job is less flexible and full time. Being a single parent will be hard.

If he is renting a single room, will it be easier for me to get custody?

Any other tips?

It's not really like that. There are things you can do, and hopefully someone will be along in a minute to tell you.

However, the law starts from a perspective of 50/50 - finances, child custody, everything. Courts aren't going to see a man living in a rented room in a shared house as a fair outcome. You will be viewed as both needing somewhere where your child can stay, certainly as the outcome of the divorce. Finances, home etc will be divided up accordingly. As you earn a lot less, you could be viewed as the "financially vulnerable" partner, so may be entitled to a larger share of the capital. However, that's not guaranteed.

Do you think he'll want 50/50 custody?

I don’t really know what to say. But agree it doesn’t work like that.
I left my husband and rented a house (I was totally financially dependant on him but by the skin of my teeth have managed to get a grip and change my part time
Job to a full time job)
We have nearly shared custody (I have the children slightly more than him)
Which has meant to children touch wood seem to be coping very well. (Better than me most days)
Is there a reason why this is already so bitter?

😮😮😮

You want your DH to sign over the house solely to you, and then charge him rent to remain there? Fucking hell

I think she means that she wants him to move to some sort of student house, where he rents a room and they all pay the bills. After signing the house over to her.

You can't dictate where he decides to live for starters is there a backstory to this ?

I think you’re on a different planet if you think a) he’d do this b) the law would support you with this grossly unfair, harebrained scheme

He would have to agree for a start.

Ideally you would buy him out but it doesn’t sound as if you are in a position to do that. Is there a lot of equity in the house?

You need legal advice as everyone’s case is different.

Perhaps it is a rented house?

There's no such thing as 'custody'. Your child will be entitled to shared residence so they can have a decent relationship with both parents. It's not about you, it's about fairness to your child.
The best thing you can do to get prepared is put your child at the heart of every decision you make. Do you want your child staying with his father in a shared home where you won't know who he's coming into contact with? I wouldn't. Do you want your child to see an inequity in how their parents live? I wouldn't, it will come back and bite you on the arse.

You're being massively unfair. Is this how you'd like a child of yours to be treated?

Yes, asking him to sign over henhouse was silly and a made late night plan! Won't do that. Just want him to realise that I have been trying to work on this relationship for years and now it's over. I no longer care.

He had as much right to the family home as you do. As already stated 50/50 shared care is the starting point. I would seek out some legal advice and see where you stand.

Are you for real? Just because you have decided you don't want to live with him then he must move out and sign the house over to you? If you want away from him then why don't you move out?

@wombat1a because I have wanted to separate. He has been passive aggressive and gaslighting. He shouts aggressively at me and has lost his temper with my daughter. He kicked the door of the bedroom when I was inside. Yet he is very controlling and always wants us to do everything together as a family. I have posted before. It's hard to summarise the years and years of pain. I've finally realised that I no longer care and that the relationship is dead.

Go to a solicitor. Initiate divorce proceedings, and ask about an occupation order. That will get him out of the house while the divorce is going through. However, you may well find that the house will have to be sold, so that you can both both buy somewhere suitable to look after the kids.

You don't need any permission to end this relationship. It's dead for you, and that's it. Start moving forward by getting legal advice.