Anyone had a parent with mental health and how did it affect you?

[QueenCharming]

I’m in my late 30’s now with 1 dc and 1 on the way. Being pregnant makes me think about motherhood. and also makes me sad about my own experience as a child.
I didn’t have a bad childhood but my mum had depression for most of my life as I can now see, when I was a teen she had a mental breakdown of sorts and was hospitalised a few times over a few years. My dad was always at work and never really had any input into my growing up, never taught me anything, showed me anything, took me anywhere without my mum being there but I don’t remember many family days out and only 1 holiday which I know could be as they didn’t have much money maybe but still, days out can be free/cheap. Basically I feel like for whatever reasons they had, I feel that I had no guidance or life lessons taught, not much love shown to me. always kind of looked to be elsewhere as a child, for example with my grandmother or with friends. When I was a teen and mum went to hospital I pretty much
looked after myself. For the last few years I’ve reflected on this since becoming a parent and I feel majorly let down and it makes me feel angry to them now but it probably doesn’t make sense to them why I can sometimes be snappy or short with them. Just wanted to get this off my chest as I have no one to talk to about it in real life. Guess I’m wondering if anyone else has any similar experience or advice or share their thoughts on it. Thanks

Mum suffered with schizophrenia, bi polar, religious mania, depression in the winter and mania in the summer. She attempted suicide several times when I was growing up. I spent my childhood in a state of fear and anxiety and I still am an anxious person. Luckily I never inherited the really bad MH stuff. I have had depression but it seems to go really quickly.

I grew up feral. Luckily I lived in a village and the neighbours knew what was going on. I have probably had a meal in every house in the village!

Everything we did as a family was arranged around DMums illness. I have never felt anything but compassion for her though. She suffered terribly. She heard voices and her life was a mess. She was severely mentally and physically abused by her mother and that tipped her over I guess.

I did not do well at school as I was almost never at school. I have never been able to understand why I fell through the net. DDad had the truent officer out to him when he went on bale cart in the summers in the 1930's and 40' and kids nowadays get into trouble for skiving but going to school (or not) in the late sixties and seventies my attendance was almost non existent as I was afraid to leave Mum unattended and nothing was done about it. I have qualifications but I could have done so much better had I gone to school.
I was able to make tea, clean the house & light a fire before any of my peers. My childhood as such was non existant in a lot of ways. I had a lot of freedom as Mum didn't give a rap where I was but I was damaged by it no question. I couldn't take friends home so was careful not to make any. The more I think about your OP the more I realise how shit it all was. I am a strong and capable and very practical person though now so in some ways it did me good.
Mum eventually succeeded in her suicide bids. I wish some of the lovely modern drugs had been available to her. She was a lovely woman defined by ill health sadly.

Thanks for your posts above. I also had freedom to do what I wanted. I guess luckily I wasn’t a tear away child as it would’ve been easy to go down the wrong road. Although I did start smoking at 13 and it’s things like that getting caught by my dad aged about 15 and he said nothing. Looking back I feel like no one cared enough. I don’t blame my mum as I know it wasn’t her fault but I feel like no one loved me enough to care. This has really manifested since having children myself. I’d do anything for my children

GreenItWas, I am sorry

Also sorry to hear about your mum Green
My mum did some crazy things that could’ve killed her but it wasn’t intentional I don’t think, more the voices she had was telling her too. Thankful to modern Medicine that has kept her stable ever since those traumatic years

My mum is lovely and we have a good relationship, but it has been hard.
She suffers from severe anxiety which has caused her to have several breakdowns over the years. She experiences psychosis and hallucinations and has made some suicide attempts. Last time she was in hospital, I took my newborn baby in with me to see her and she thought he was dead. Horrible.
One time was when I was doing my GCSEs. I coped well, but it felt like she was the child and I was the parent.
When I was younger she used to say I would turn out just like her, that I would have a breakdown and shouldn’t go to university. It was her anxiety talking. Now she talks a lot about how much of a success my life is compared to hers. I find this equally hard.
Despite all this she was a good mum to me growing up. Very affectionate and caring. She was wonderful when I had a miscarriage. But I’d be lying if I said it hasn’t had an effect on me.
I wish she was a stronger person and had a better life. And I wish I hadn’t had to be so strong myself.

I'm in my late 50's and had exactly the same as you op; mum suffered from depression and was hospitalised on several occasions.

Dad left in my mid teens so to all intents I became the adult in the house.
I think it made me a very practical self sufficient type of person who can get on and do things. I never had any support with things like exams etc just got on with it. It makes me laugh when I see all of the helicopter parents around fussing over their children. In some ways I am proud that I was more self reliant.
However on a more positive note it has made me more aware of my own mental health and looking after it. Making sure I get plenty of rest, fresh air good food etc. When ever I have a bad time I have a bit of a mantra this too will pass.
Like you I was a bit short and snappy with my mum at times but we never discussed it as she came from the generation who swept it all under the carpet. She passed away last year and whilst I was sad, I did not feel devastated like some posters are when they lose a parent as I lost her years ago.
Just think you have the opportunity to be a better mum to your children as I believe I have been to mine and that will be my legacy.

My mum was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder when I was in my 20s.

Growing up I was terrified of her and never misbehaved or caused any trouble. I did as I was told and never asked for anything. At the time I thought that was normal. She took care of my basic needs, but didn’t offer any affection and could be violent. I used to think that she did her best, given the circumstances.

During a difficult time in my own life I had to drop everything and take care of her. She was like a child. I had to feed and dress her and watch her 24/7. She couldn’t have been trusted alone. I remember once I was with her in a shop and when I turned around she was gone. I’ll never forget the panic.

She’s never thanked me for looking after her when she was ill and likes to tell people I don’t do anything for her.

After having children of my own, I’ve slowly begun to realise that, mental health problems aside, she’s selfish and not a particularly nice person. I’m much better nowadays and not letting the snide remarks get to me.

I used to get bitter and snap at her, but I went for counselling and I’ve managed to be more calm. I keep her at arms length and don’t let her bully me. Thankfully, I have a sister and we’re very close. Having someone else to confirm what happened and validate my feelings has helped.