Should I tell her???

[caughtinthemiddle2]

Hi everyone nc as my previous posts are quite outing. A long post sorry!

I have a very close friend who I met through my partner as she is the gf of one of his friends but we are now very close and do a lot together. My friend is always telling me things her partner has done or said which I dont agree with (putting her down, calling her fat and not being very affectionate towards her) anyway I always just agreed with her as to how horrible it was but thought she knows its wrong and if she wants to stay with him thats her problem (I personally would have told him to fuck off long ago!)

Anyway my issue is my partner came home from a night out with my friends partner and a few more of his friends and told me he spent the whole night slagging her off telling all the boys he didnt even fancy her, he thinks she is a lazy fat cow!! I should mention my friend is 15 weeks pregnant and her partner has made it very clear that he did not plan this pregnancy and has also put down all of her pregnancy illnesses by saying "well you wanted this baby not me" infront of other people!

I dont know what to do now. Do I tell her he has been saying all of this behind her back? She obviously knows he is an arsehole and to be honest I dont know why she is with him anyway! I really dont like him and I know she can do so much better. Or do I just stay out of it?

Bump

She already knows what he's like. It'll make no difference.

Just resolve to be strong and supportive for her when he leaves her (this definitely will happen).

Yes tell her.

She's your friend ffs.

Of course she is my friend and I hate that he is embarrassing her by slagging her off behind her back he is vile but she knows this. I have made no secret of the fact that I dont like him to her, my partner and also to his face so I dont know if it will be a shoot the messenger situation. Also I didnt hear it personally so I am also throwing my partner under the bus.

Does your partner ever pull up this friend on his shitty behaviour?? Surely he could call him out on it and tell him he's a twat who treats is GF like shit and if she's so lazy and fat why is he with her? I'd be livid if DH let his friends speak this way about their other halfs...

Your friend needs to wake up and realise she's much better off without this dickhead BF!!!

Foofighter99 yes apparently all of the boys pull him up on it and say he needs to just leave her then if he is so unhappy. There is one friend in the group who seems to egg him on a bit (the only single one). My partner said thats the reason he left the night out because he couldnt listen to it any longer.

I would tell he if she wasn't pregnant. She is now too involved with this man. She'll never be happy with him but that's how stupid we can be in choosing the father of our babies.
Keep quiet for now and at least you have each other now.
She is going to need a friend.

That is my biggest reason not to tell her. She has had quite a few pregnancy symptoms and is very stressed already but I do think most of the stress is caused by him.

That is my biggest reason not to tell her. She has had quite a few pregnancy symptoms and is very stressed already but I do think most of the stress is caused by him.

Agree with keeping quiet for now - she's going to need you. You sound like a nice friend - he sounds like a total tool.

Don't tell her. It won't change anything and it's bound to make her even more unhappy. If she's feeling crap because she's pregnant, misery is not going to help.

Your friendship will be worth a lot to her when he turns out to be a crap DP and DF. You sound lovely.

I disagree that she's too involved with him. It's never too late to leave an abusive twat, and before his name is on the. birth certificate and/or they marry is the simplest time.

How far along is she?

If she wasn't pregnant I'd tell her however she's vulnerable and you may get labeled a stirrer and made the enemy rather than him.
You know the measure of him now, help her and guide her.

The thing is it doesn't sound like he's saying anything behind her back that he's not saying to her face :( I don't think hearing what he's been saying without her there will make her do anything about it as she's already been putting up with his vile treatment of her.

Thank you for your replies everyone.

ErrmWTAF she is 15 weeks pregnant.

I think I will leave it for now but if he ever says anything like that in front of me I will not be holding back he already knows I think he is a vile person.

cakecakecheese - you are right he says most of these things to her face anyway so it probably wouldn't do much apart from embarrass her that he is saying it to other people.

She is so lovely and deserves so much better than this but if she is going to put up with it nothing I say can change that yet. I will just be there for her when something happens (which it obviously will).

I wouldnt tell her

I would however find a way to tell him what a nasty bastard i thought he was and that despite his lofty opinion of himself, he is actually a pathetic spineless weasel.

He already calls her fat to her face.
What good will it do to know he also verbally abuses her behind her back too? If anything it might make her feel even worse.

And shame on your DH and 'all the boys' who sit there and listen to a grown man verbally attacking his pregnant partner's weight and appearance. That said, what can you expect from a group of grown men who still think of themselves as 'the boys'

I have already said that my partner left because of what he had said and none of the other friends agree with what he says. I called them the boys for this post as the men sounds a bit strange to me. They obviously don't refer to themselves as the boys but thanks for your opinion.