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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Not sure what to do

7 replies

annaba23 · 28/06/2018 12:46

i need advice my husband for the last two and a half years has made my life hell, I feel like I am walking in egg shells all the time. He gets angry at everything I say he is always shouting at me at first it was just between us now it’s in front of his family and people. He says bad tho ha about me all the time. I now feel like a bad person and am really confused our daughter was born premature at 24 weeks and is now over a year old caring for her is full time and the stress from him is so immense I feel so miserable all the time. Also embarrassed by how he treats me I have started to get tired to the point I don’t see the point in being here anymore. I have no family or friends so I think he finds me an easy target😔😔😔

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 28/06/2018 15:19

Hi annaba23 - thank you for posting.

You are going to get a LOT of people telling you just to leave him, but I know it's not that easy when you have no support or friends/family locally.

Are you in the UK? If so, you could start by calling Women's Aid - they will be able to help and advise you.

Do you have an income/any money? Anywhere to go? Could you talk to his family?

I hope your daughter is going OK, that must have been very stressful. Am sure other posters can offer some more practical advice too. Flowers

yesyesnono · 28/06/2018 15:54

Very hard to leave without support, though it sounds like you want to. Please do try contacting someone like Women's Aid
It sounds like you are suffering domestic abuse, if not physical violence, but these people can help:

Freephone Helpline
0808 2000 247

and book to see a solicitor.

You need to make a decision and then make a plan.

Good luck and stay strong

Arum51 · 28/06/2018 16:19

I'm not sure about the timescales here, and i think they make a difference.

Are you saying that for the past two and a half years, ie before the pregnancy, he has been being horrible to you, and that it has got worse as you have become a mother? Or are you saying that you have been with your husband for two and a half years, and that at some point in the relatively recent past, he has started being horrible to you?

If it's the former, you sound as if you are describing an abusive relationship, that is getting more and more out of control. This is following quite a common pattern, that the abuse escalates during pregnancy/motherhood. Go to Women's Aid for some help. This situation will not improve.

If it's the latter, then there is a chance that this is salvageable. Having a premature baby is a shocking, traumatising experience, for both parents. It puts a huge strain on a relationship. There is the possibility you are both depressed. You will certainly both be exhausted and emotionally drained. Are you still in contact with the hospital? There are support services for parents of premature babies. You should also ring your Health Visitor, and talk things through with her.

How you view what's happening depends a lot on when your husband's behaviour towards you actually started.

Arum51 · 28/06/2018 16:19

I'm not sure about the timescales here, and i think they make a difference.

Are you saying that for the past two and a half years, ie before the pregnancy, he has been being horrible to you, and that it has got worse as you have become a mother? Or are you saying that you have been with your husband for two and a half years, and that at some point in the relatively recent past, he has started being horrible to you?

If it's the former, you sound as if you are describing an abusive relationship, that is getting more and more out of control. This is following quite a common pattern, that the abuse escalates during pregnancy/motherhood. Go to Women's Aid for some help. This situation will not improve.

If it's the latter, then there is a chance that this is salvageable. Having a premature baby is a shocking, traumatising experience, for both parents. It puts a huge strain on a relationship. There is the possibility you are both depressed. You will certainly both be exhausted and emotionally drained. Are you still in contact with the hospital? There are support services for parents of premature babies. You should also ring your Health Visitor, and talk things through with her.

How you view what's happening depends a lot on when your husband's behaviour towards you actually started.

annaba23 · 29/06/2018 01:19

Thanks for the advice I’m in Algeria going back to London tomorrow. His behaviour out here was terrible towards me so embarrassing to be belittled in front of his family he says such cruel things like we was sitting there and he asked me who sent me a message I was playing around and told him no one and he called me a pig. I was so hurt, he calls me sick picks on me before we left three weeks ago we had to do four days of shopping for him and his family he kept shouting at me in shops being rude and abrupt when I suggested anything. I wake up dreading the day sometimes I can’t sleep. Everything is my fault and I’m always to blame.

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 29/06/2018 09:46

Does he know you're planning on heading back to London (fab decision by the way). If not, keep it quiet. He sounds horrible!

annaba23 · 29/06/2018 17:29

He is coming back with me as we was supposed to be on holiday but he didn’t want any to do anything with us so it was more like a hell camp. I feel so relieved to come back but I’m just waiting for him to start on me at any point about anything.

OP posts:
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