Looking for some advice on how to deal with a clingy friend, a little background (grab yourself a cuppa!).....
I'm a SAHM with 2 kids, one at school, one at home, my clingy friend (A) is also a SAHM whose DS is at school.
We met through our kids and our friendship has grown over time, when our DS started school we probably saw more of each other than when they were at nursery initially, and we got into an almost routine of sorts, of seeing each other every week, at least once, sometimes more.
I got to a point where everything I wanted to do - jobs around the house, garden, coursework, etc. was sliding a bit so I said to myself once a week catch up at most (bearing in mind that we see each other EVERY day at school pick up and drop off and usually chat for a bit then too)
Lately, I have found her increasingly clingy/possessive, and looking back, I can see certain patterns of behaviour:
I don't think she likes it when I speak with other friends, and I feel like anyone I speak to, she has to then make friends with, but will then try to put a wedge between me and that person by saying negative things about them.
She did this with a mutual friend B whom we met at the same time, I'll be honest and put my hands up, A planted a seed of doubt in my mind and I pulled back from B, she then made a real effort with this person. I really regretted pulling back from A, and it wasn't until close family commented about it and gave me a new perspective that I could see what had happened. I decided that, whether influenced or not, I had been at fault, so I made an effort to reconnect with B - my friend then badmouthed B and said something to someone that could have really have got B in a lot of stick (just a week after having been on a day out with B and having bought her a bunch of flowers for her birthday) and which was also a total misquote, she was telling me about it in front of another mutual friend of ours (thank goodness I had a witness!) and I said, very nicely, that I didn't agree with what she said. I think she expected me to back her up, and I don't think she liked it when I didn't.
Anyway, looking back, at certain other incidents, where she's repeated things I've said (nothing bad, just things that I thought I was discussing in confidence, and are mine to tell, not hers or trivial things I've said that have happened at an event and she's spoken to the person and said "oh so and so told me that this happened..." which I feel portrays me as a gossip) and patterns of behaviour, well it just doesn't feel good.
Since the incident where she badmouthed B, I feel like she has looked for a lot of reassurance from me, to the point where even if I am speaking to somebody else, sometimes in deep conversation, she's there, she has gone out of her way to orchestrate things so that she happens to be where I am. If I am parked up at school, and she sees my car, she comes over and gets in the passenger seat, even if she sees I'm on my phone, she has caught me unawares doing this several times. She needs to know who, what, when and why I'm doing anything. I am finding it all a bit intense, almost claustrophobic. (She also bought DS a ridiculously expensive gift for his birthday)
I've got quite a lot going on in my own life just now, and when I said I couldn't meet up on a couple of days she suggested, which she is used to, as I'm very much a people pleaser, and yes person, she started texting asking if we could talk, and saying I was distancing myself from her - it was only just over a week since we'd gone out for a walk and coffee together, we see each other every day at the school gates, and she started saying how much she misses me and asking if she'd done anything wrong, when I reassured her I was just busy, she then said there was more to it than be being busy (which I genuinely am) and said that I'd changed, and she really needs to see me to talk about it - how do I handle this? I can't pluck time that I genuinely don't have out of thin air, I don't want to feel guilt-tripped if I'm busy, and I don't want to feed this ridiculous, overbearing behaviour.
I've friends I could talk to, but I don't want to drag them down, or look like a gossip, I've also never really been in this situation before, I thought that when you left school, you left all this kind of drama behind you!
Look forward to hearing your thoughts....