Hi all, first time poster. I apologise if this is really long but I don't want to drip feed.
I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years. We don't live together and we see each other probably 3 times a week including one weekend night where I'd usually stay at his house.
Yesterday we were texting like normal but he seemed really blunt and then last night came out and said he wasn't sure if he wanted to be with me anymore. Obviously I questioned what he meant but he was being very vague and I later realised he was at the pub with some mates at the time so left him to it.
I hardly slept last night and haven't eaten since yesterday lunch time as I've been so worried/confused/upset, so I text him about midday today saying I'd be coming over after work because we needed to talk about it in person and he couldn't leave me hanging any longer.
To cut a long story short, I went over to his and he basically explained that he "wasn't sure who he was anymore and needed time on his own to find out". He also said that it was nothing I'd done and that I couldn't be more perfect for him and he only wanted to be with me but at the moment didn't want to be with anyone. He said he still loves me and is doing this for my benefit too (although I can't see how). We basically broke up, it was really hard, we were both crying a lot and I'm still confused and heart broken.
This came as a huge shock to me as I had not noticed him acting any differently and I honestly thought we'd be together for ever. I love him so much. We'd talked about marriage, kids in the future and it wasn't just me bringing the subject up, he'd openly talk about our future together and we always seemed to be on the same page.
To make matters worse, we're meant to be going on holiday (abroad) with my sister and her boyfriend to stay with my Grandma in 2 weeks time. I mentioned that to him and asked if he'd thought about it and he said it hadn't really crossed his mind but that he couldn't go through with the holiday. I asked him why he couldn't just try and work with me through these thoughts he's having until after the holiday and see how he feels but he said no. Then when I got home he text me saying he wants to go a day at a time but give each other space for a couple of weeks and then try and work things out on holiday and see how it goes from there.
In my mind I have no questions, I want to be with him and will do whatever it takes. I'm aware that this attitude isn't healthy and it's even worse that he knows all this, but I just can't help it. I've never felt like this about anyone before and the fact it's come as such a shock is making it worse.
Everyone I've spoken to has said that I should plan to go on the holiday without him, text him to let him know I'm giving him space but I may not be around if he changes his mind. As much as I can understand why they're telling me to do this, I don't think I can do it. I feel like he's going to change his mind and I'm just waiting for that to happen and I know that's not a good position to be in.
I'm not really sure what I'm looking for by posting here. I guess I needed to write it all down and I can't sleep anyway.
Thank you if you've read my whole post, I understand it's long and probably rambly.