Was I right to challenge this?

[Haveigonetoofar]

Bg: Married 8 years, together 12, 3 school age kids. Marriage generally good - shared sense of humour, similar values, opinions.

His work has always been an issue. He runs his own company and gets completely wrapped up in it to the point where, with long commutes, I do everything else. I am SAHM since no.3 although keen to get back into doing something but that would.throw everything into chaos with childcare etc.

Anyway. Been on ads on and off for past 5 yrs...PND and anxiety. Started fairly recently again after a death. Sex drive gone (sertraline). Told him this on friday night, openly, bit down. Seemed understanding, supportive.

Saturday am...wakes up, moves my hand down...I am.still half asleep and long story short, I let him have sex with me, went through the motions BUT he would have known I wasn't into it as I wasn't as responsive. I even told him I wasnt keen just before.

Told him via email today that I only did it to please him and that I felt he hadn't thought about me or been considerate. He said he woke up excited and didn't think.

Sick of him being selfish and this is a new one but quite upset tbh.

When you say you told him you weren't keen, do you mean you told him no and he carried on anyway? He should have stopped if you said you didn't want to have sex.

You need to have the discussion with DH and also be clear and upfront with him about whether sex is on the table or not when he starts to initiate. 'Allowing' him to have sex with you when you aren't in the mood and then guilting him afterwards will do you both no favours it will build resentment.

Why did you go with it then? Men are not mind readers, they wake up aroused and hope that they can get you to be so too. Either you happen to be so, great. Or you agree to go with it and hope you will be, but accept that if you're not, at least they were, or you make it clear that you are not up for it. How is he being selfish when you give him mixed messages?

Your OH seems to be a great husband, happy to work long hours to support his family, supportive of your depression, what more is he supposed to do? Read your mind at all time to know exactly what you mean even though your actions say differently? Good luck with that!

Btw OP my comments are not meant critically as I understand how you could be in this situation and I'm glad you have been honest with your DH about how you feel. I'm just giving some advice from a male perspective that your next step should be a face to face discussion (not more emails) and trying to be more upfront about what you want in future.