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Relationships

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Anon Facebook

45 replies

DianaP86 · 27/06/2018 21:54

:(

I've had a Facebook message from an anon account with screenshots of a conversation between my DF and another woman.
Conversation is sexual and points to them having a sexual relationship previously while we have been together.

I haven't said anything to my DF as of yet. I don't know what to do.

Background, been together 11 years. 5 YO DS.

OP posts:
AlwaysSleepy1 · 27/06/2018 23:17

I wouldn't message OW without getting an answer from your husband...

AlwaysSleepy1 · 27/06/2018 23:18

sorry fiance!

can't imagine how you must be feeling xxx

MyKingdomForBrie · 27/06/2018 23:21

How is her surname not there? Can you see her profile pic? Have they cut out everything but the writing? Is it dated?

I'm so sorry this has happened, how horrendous.

NellMangel · 27/06/2018 23:22

Awful.

I think the sender might be the partner of the OW. In which case the OW might well warn your dickhead fiance.

I think you need to talk to him. Preferably before any warning as the likelihood of bullshit will increase if he's prepared for accusations. X

NellMangel · 27/06/2018 23:25

(Her surname and photo won't be there. When you use messenger it doesn't show you your own photo/name, just the sender's.)

ACatsNoHelpWithThat · 27/06/2018 23:28

Could also be an anonymous FB account from OW so she can block you from her main page but still receive messages from you.

Sorry you are going through this.

MyKingdomForBrie · 27/06/2018 23:31

Ohh yes I see now I check Nell - not even the profile picture.

I would send him the screenshots and wait for his reaction but that's because I wouldn't be able to sit on it, might not be the best approach.

pumpkinbump · 27/06/2018 23:43

It would be easy to fake this. It depends if it seems like him or not.

steppingonIego · 28/06/2018 00:02

I agree with Nellmangle - if it's the OW's Partner then it's possible your fiancé knows you know.

How is he acting?

Desmondo2016 · 28/06/2018 06:38

How are you this morning OP? Did you get any sleep?

Imchlibob · 28/06/2018 07:19

Hold your horses just a moment.

Remember that this anonymous person will not be acting for your benefit - they will be trying to benefit themselves or attack your df or both.

Assuming df=fiancé - is there a wedding date set and soon?

how he fell for her before but stepped away as he is in a relationship!

Could it be that he is actually now doing the right thing and cutting contact with this woman because he loves you and doesn't want to jeopardise your relationship - and she is doing this deliberately to split you up so that his decision to choose you gets comprehensively trashed.

Remember that screen shots are easy to edit - they are just pixels in an image file. She could have picked out all the juiciest bits (from an admittedly very inappropriate emotional affair) and chosen not to include anything the poison-pen person didn't want to.

My recommendation is that you make arrangements to be completely alone together one of the days of the weekend with nothing else happening so you and df can have a full and honest talk about this.

Possible starting line something like "I've been sent some Facebook screenshots that show that our relationship isn't what I thought. This is your one and only chance to come clean and tell me everything that has been going on, then maybe we can work out a plan to save our relationship."

Some dear friends of ours (godparents of our eldest) had a "blip" six months before they were due to get married. He was excessively stupid and let his dick do his decision making. The wedding was called off but he was shocked into realising that his df was his real love, the ow was a foolish weakness, and he rededicated himself wholeheartedly to monogamy henceforth, and she forgave him and they rearranged the wedding for a year later - they have now been married 12 years and continue to be happy and (as far as I know) faithful.

That which has true value is never truly lost. It can be re-found, if wholeheartedly sought.

SparklyMagpie · 28/06/2018 08:32

Oh I'd have to say something, but I can't keep quiet :(
Have to admit though that it could possibly be her partner

Did you send her a message OP?

DianaP86 · 28/06/2018 08:54

Morning

Didn't get much sleep but didn't act on anything last night whilst I was so angry

Thanks @Imchlibob for that advice. That's a good idea and I'm glad things worked out for your friends.

To be honest, I think the messages are real, the conversation just flows too much as I think the conversation probably happened while I was out at a work function on Friday night as he would have been alone.
I'm just not so sure it's actually her who ya sent them.

He has gone to work. Acted normally.

OP posts:
FuckItPassMeTheWine · 28/06/2018 10:17

Oh OP, my heart goes out to you , how very sad Sad. Is there anyone in RL that you can talk to discretely about this just to clear your head? It’s horrible bottling it all up inside .

From what you’ve said I think you know what’s been happening. It may be worth talking to a solicitor to find out where you stand in all this but I appreciate that may be a little soon atm.

Personally I can’t sit on things like that I’d have to confront but wait until it’s face to face as others have said so he can equip himself with lies etc. Be prepared for him to try and shift the blame onto you as a way of trying to rationalise it.

There are many websites as well that offer advice on surviving infedility if you google them.

So sorry you’re going through this Flowers xxx

GirlfriendInAKorma · 28/06/2018 10:26

Just in case it is genuinely pointing to him having affair, so you have your 'ducks in a row' (as someone said above) financially?
Do you have your own money, do you know how much he has etc?

Important to not leave yourself high and dry if he has been cheating and it comes to a head.

Sorry this is happening to you, it sounds absolutely awful :(

between4and7 · 28/06/2018 10:33

My friends son hacked her dads FB and send the conversations to his mum as he was cheating with someone

GirlfriendInAKorma · 28/06/2018 19:59

How's it going @DianaP86

notagain2018 · 28/06/2018 22:31

Definitely don't send anything to him because it will give him time to come up with some lies. He needs to be confronted wtih as much evidence as you can get.

Botanica · 28/06/2018 22:36

I wouldn't forward them to him.
Better to print them out, put them in an envelope, and hand it to him whilst you are sat down together and have time to talk.
His expression when he opens it will tell you a lot. You need to witness that and also not give him time to concoct a story before he had to explain himself.

squirrelnutkins1 · 28/06/2018 23:13

I think @Imchlibob suggestion is the best 👍🏻

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