Do I invite ex to sons birthday party?

[AngelSnowflake]

My husband left me 3 months ago and I am devastated. We have 2 children together.

I have really struggled to adjust and I’m ashamed to admit begged him at the beginning but soon realised that he wasn’t interested. He keeps telling me he’s moving on and I need to do the same. I’ve been going to counselling which is helping me so much.

It’s my sons birthday next month and I’ve booked him a party with all his friends. He asked if his dad was coming but I’ve said no.

I’m really struggling when I see him. The thought of him being there, I just know I’ll go to bits.

I’ve told my son that as we are separated now we do separate things but he can see his dad in the morning. He is fine with that.

My exH though seems to think I am being unreasonable and unfair and I have no right to even suggest him not being there. He’s made me feel so crap about it all.

Do I need to suck it up and invite him or should I stick to him not invited?
I just know I’ll go to pieces with him there.

@cawfee DS told him about the party

It’s hard because I still love him but that is slowly slipping away with how he is making me feel.

Ok from last comment controlling twat.

My ex wanted to come to Ds’s second birthday party. . I had built a life for myself and he didn’t even know the children at the party and obviously didn’t offer to pay.

You need to stop justifying yourself .

Party - we have discussed this it’s no.
Maintenance - I have spent it raising your child .

I would avoid as much contact as possible . He doesn’t get to walk away then make the decisions in your life.

@anne
I didn’t even know DS asked him for shorts until he messaged me. He wanted them for school tomorrow.
I just replied saying maintenance covers day to day costs and I would buy the shorts myself if it was a problem.

I had suggested things like uniforms and trips etc we go halves and he agreed but then throws it in my face.

Unless he asks you a direct, reasonable question about your dc then ignore.

Surely costs are only 100% your responsibility if you have your DS 100% and he has them 0%. If he has some contact then he pays less maintenance so he picks up some costs too. How much do school shorts cost - less than £10 for 2 if primary age?

Yanbu re the party. Too late to play happy families now.

@bluedog You’re right. I’m going to do that.

Thanks to everyone for the advice tonight. I’ve been feeling like I was going mad so glad to know I’m not unreasonable.

What do you spend maintenance on ? - don’t respond

Dc asked him to buy shorts - don’t respond

Doesn’t maintenance cover shorts - don’t respond

Is dc allergic to peanuts - ‘yes / no’

I want to go to dc birthday party - don’t respond

Dc has a rash, was it there last night - yes / no

It takes a lot of practice as you are used to having conversations with this person, but this stops now. Your life and your day to day life with your dc is none of his business any longer

You’re doing great OP. Focus on you and DS and leave him to it. Break ups are horrible but you’re getting there and it’ll get easier over time. Keep contact between you limited solely to DC, don’t engage in anything else. You owe him nothing and he’ll evebruslly get bored of trying to tell you what to do if you just ignore him.

What “the blue dog” said. Print off that list of responses and keep it with your phone until you are practised at these replies.

You will never win with this man, so stop trying. Live your life as you wish.now it is none of his business. Totally agree with blu dog. Don’t get drawn into any of his nonsense and do what works for you.

Breaking up is shit, but the sooner you tra8n you self to stop caring the better. Putting her myself first- the fucker- you do that before you have a baby!

Himself.

You are right. I can’t ever win.

I’m setting my boundaries now and I’m not going to let him compromise them anymore. The love I had is slowly fading.

The DC are my main priority and I need to be strong for them.