Am I right to be pissed off?

[Gobolino80]

I'd appreciate your opinions on this issue I have with DP. I can't work out if I'm being unreasonable.....
DP comes from a different city, but came to live here with DC (17 and 20) about 4 and a half years ago. Since then I've met 3 of his friends, once. He's been back several times (although admittedly not as frequently in the last couple of years) for nights out and not once have I been invited. The one occasion that I did meet the 3 friends was a result of me questioning this and it seemed to be a way of temporarily shutting me up. He has a best friend of 30 years that I've never met despite him going to see him and hang out dozens of times. Not once has he asked me to go along. It feels like he has a whole separate life in another place that he has no intention of including me in, which I can't help see as suspicious. I challenged him on this about 8 months ago and told him that it made me feel like he was hiding me away and he apologised and said that he would be more inclusive but nothing has changed. It came to a head again last night via text message (not ideal) and I clearly stated that it was still an issue for me, and again he apologised and said that it would change, but I'm not holding my breath to be honest. I absolutely understand that space and separate social lives is a good thing in a relationship, but to never be invited or included in this part of his life, ever, is that 'normal' and am I being unreasonable to expect to be? He talks about friends all the time, but it's clear that when he does go back to his home town it's on his own. I know for a fact that at least his two previous partners were very much included in his social life in this city, so why not me? His friends also never, ever come here so it's not like that's an option either. It really does feel as though he wants to keep me at arms length from these people but I can't work out why and it makes me uneasy.

There's definitely some reason that he doesn't want to include you. I think you need to ask him to be honest about it

I did ask him directly, about 8 months ago and got a very woolly response and a promise of change. He assured me there was no reason behind it, but hasn't made any attempt at all to rectify the situation. It's not even as though I'm expecting a big night out or anything, just even stopping by for a coffee with his best mate would be nice. One of his good friends is actually a cousin, I've not met him or his wife once.

because he likes it that way OP....

Anyone?

Would you be prepared to end your relationship over this issue? Because if not then I can't see that there's much you can do if there are no "consequences" for him breaking his promise to change.

Is he feeling resentful about the move?

You are right to be pissed off, I certainly would be!
Do you love him enough to carry on like this?

I don't think he's going to change I'm afraid.

I'd be pissed off about this too. I may not even want to hang out with them much, being an introvert, but would at least like the option to be included.

I know that sometimes the dynamic is different in a group of friends if one of them brings a partner, but you're not asking him to do it every time!

Do you feel like he is proud to be with you in other ways? Does he tell you that you're beautiful or put photos of you together on social media etc? Obviously I have no idea what you (or he) look like, but I know from my perspective, my DP's ex was much more 'obviously attractive' than I am. I have a feeling that being out and about with her got him a lot of 'good attention' about what a good looking couple they were, and I do feel that he probably misses having that with me. To be fair, he has never made me feel this, it's more something within me, but if he hadn't tried to include me in his social circle I would feel very much that I was being hidden for some reason, that I wasn't considered boast-worthy or enough of a trophy.

Maybe he doesn't want his ex to know he's moved on and is worried one of his friends will tell her about you, so he hasn't told his friends about you despite you knowing all about them.

I think next time he starts waffling on about them I'd say "I don't know who these people are so it's not very interesting to me" or something. Just shut him down. And in the meantime I'd have a think about whether you want to be with someone who doesn't think you're worthy of spending time with his friends.