Divorce with an adopted child

[Pabloingles]

My wife and I are joint adoptive parents to our daughter

Prior to this we were both joint foster carers for her since her fifth month she is now six and a half years old.

We have always shared her care equally in every respect.

She loves us both equally without question.

My question is as to how a divorce court would see this in terms of our (sexual) equality?

It would seem that in ‘normal’ divorces the mother is given some special status over the father?

This may be due to the special bond that exists between a natural mother and her child due to gestation, breast feeding and normally a disproportionate amount of care-time in her favour representing the ‘normal’ state of marital affairs.

Our case is plainly different and one would hope that it would be treated as such, such that any order financial or child related would be made to reflect our current state.

Do you think that this would be the case?

I doubt the fact she is adopted will effect anything, it’s more what you do for her now.why do mention courts, is it likely to be acrimonious ?

There is no need for ‘court’ if you can agree on what will happen.
My daughter’s partner divorced last year, he has his 2 children 3 nights a week, even though his ex upped and moved 70 miles away when she left him.
If you can’t agree then 50/50 residency is the starting point - what is best for the children is the priority.

Courts don’t favour the mother. They want to continue the primary bond. Who took adoption leave?

The case wouldn't be treated any differently from other cases where the parents are birth parents. Everything is based on what is best for the child. Mothers are not given special status but the circumstances of share of care prior to separation can mean they get more than 50% of care following separation.

You will be encouraged to attend mediation to come up with an agreement before it goes to court.

It wouldn’t make any difference.

Who will the child be living with? How would care be split?

All the circumstances that would apply to any other couple would be the same eg earnings, capacity to earn, savings, pension etc.

Thank you for your extremly rapid responses

The situation is very tense and acrimonious
My wife insists, although I know she probaly doesnt have a leg to stand on, that she intends to demand a residency order, that I will have to leave, I will have to pay her maintenance until T is 18.etc. etc.

Neither of us needed yo take any leave at the start of the adoption as she had been with us as a foster child since she was 5 months old
We received a grant for 2 years to 'get us started' and so really have both been equal carers of her all along and remain so

I am 62 in a month and will be in receipt of my stae pension at 66
I have an occupational pension of £260 a week which I recveive now and we both work earning roughly the same around 300 a week on top of this.
we have a large 275 - 300 grand house with no mortgage

The situation is made more complicated by the fact that I have had since my eraly teens a cannabis habit which I finally realised at the end of last year was in truth an addiction. I resolved to stop which I did but had a short relapse a few weeks ago which she became aware of and flipped saying that was it.

I tried to explain that this was a more serious addiction han anyone could ever have imagined and stopped again. Three weeks ago I enroled on a druga and alcohol rehabiltation programme and am determined that after 47 years enoughis enough

But she has seized on this to use it against me and split us up

Does anyone know what the courts view of this would be and my chances of joint custody?

I have two grown up cildren 40 & 38 whom I brought up ptetty much myself after their mother left whe they were aged 12 and 10

Courts do not favour mother's at all. They look at the existing set up and decide what is best for the child. If you're ex is seen to have been the primary care giver then she will get primary custody. Or you will if you are seen to have been the primary caregiver then you will get primary custody. But not if she can prove you are on drugs

Another compliaction is that my wife had been taking antidepressants for most of our 20 years together but suddenly elected to stop outright in the autum of last year.

I do have resrevations about her mental stability although this is not acute her mood swings are testing to say the least

Would a judge consider this relevant in anyway?
Could/might he ask for medical reports on us both?
I'm new to this last time my exwife and I just did it ourselves

But I am not now on drugs and will not be , yes easy to say but we are talking cannabis here not heroin, alkthough I am stunned at the propensity for it to actually become addictive

How do I prove I'm not? How does she prove I am?

yes I could have and would have gladly blood tests etc.

Also believe it or not social servies were aware during both the asessment as a foster carer and as ana doptive parent that I had a history of and a continued occasional use of cannabis it subsequently got more out of hand I confess

Hate when people say it's only cannabis. It's a horrible addictive drug.

You need to look at other things such as where will you live, what days would you be available to have your DC, how will you provide for them, how is care split now? Is it 50/50 or does one person do more?

Its a pretty even split.
The dc ? (Drug Councilling?) is just 2 hours on a Friday morning and without going into long drawn out history of me and cannabis I assure you (and anybody else) this is really it!! I take CBD oil daily which I suspect in part I was needing and have no interest in the so called 'high' - I practise meditation every day, I do yoga, I have a nice little job walking dogs in the country - I dont need or want it

Provide for them? Clearly I would provide for my daughter to my upmost but my wife is under (i hope) a delusion that it is my duty to keep her in the manner that she is accustomed to - this is my question really? do I?

Wow what a drip feed!
Courts are likely to take it into account if one parent has a drug habit and one doesn't.

The most important thing here is your daughter's wellbeing. If it is in there best interests to continue to be cared for and reside with both parents equally then a 50:50 split is good. It's not always best though - it can be very disruptive having to split a life across two houses with neither feeling fully right because half your life is elsewhere. If it is in your daughter's best intetests to have a single main residence where she normally resides, with occasional visits with the other parent - then that is best even though both parents love her equally. It's not about you, it's about her.

DC is mn slang for your child (dear child) - also DD or DS for daughter/son.

No you won't have to keep her "in the manner she is accustomed to" - if your ex wife has sole residency then you would be expected to pay 15% of your income towards supporting your child. That would be reduced pro-rata if your DD lives with you some of the time, with zero payable if it's 50:50. Meanwhile the assets get split - normally 50:50 but if 50% of the assets would be insufficient to provide an appropriate home then an uneven split may be in your dd's interests.
The house as an asset might be awarded

(Sorry that half sentence at the end there was supposed to be deleted)

Is your wife a similar age to you?

So there is officially documented evidence of your addiction and you recently relapsed. I'm sorry but you have to see how that looks in the eyes of the court

How did a drug addict become a foster parent ?

It took 47 years to realise cannabis is addictive??

Are 55 year olds able to adopt babies now 🙄