Husband has secret children.....

[Snowangel123]

I’ve been married for 7 years and we have 2 children - I thought our marriage was fairly happy and ‘normal’ but did think my husband has always been rather secretive - I’ve never seen a bank statement or pay slip of his ever and we have never had any joint accounts. When I was on holiday with the children and my mum 3 months ago we returned home to find a note saying he’d left us - I’ve not seen or spoke to him since but approx 3 weeks after he left a woman contacted me to ask about the children’s maintainance payments??? After some further messages it transpires my husband has 2 children he has kept totally secret from me and he’s had nothing to do with for the past 8 years - I’ve bedn told they are 11 and 15 years old...
I’m beyond shocked and so angry with him for concealing such a massive thing from me - I feel our entire marriage was based on lies And I have no idea who the man I married really is...
I’m currently divorcing him - but feel so angry and duped that I feel like I want to somehow ‘sue’ him for deception and fraud even - as if I’d have known the truth ie he had 2 small Children that he washed his hands of I would never have married him and therefore not be in the situation I am in now being a single mother....
I would be so grateful please for advice and guidance and if anyone has experienced anything like the above - thank you

ginswinger that sounds good. Is it legal?

My goodness some men should come with a health warning stamped on them. So sorry for you and all the children. Lets hope he doesn't repeat himself.

My goodness some men should come with a health warning stamped on them. So sorry for you and all the children. Lets hope he doesn't repeat himself.

My goodness some men should come with a health warning stamped on them. So sorry for you and all the children. Lets hope he doesn't repeat himself.

My goodness some men should come with a health warning stamped on them. So sorry for you and all the children. Lets hope he doesn't repeat himself.

You should ask his previous wife to confirm their divorce paper date. Or look it up, if publicly available. If he married you before his divorce was final, then you weren't legally married to him. It could affect your right to child support payments, assets from the marriage, and the mortgage (if you have a joint one).
If he completely erased their existence, then adultery wouldn't be far-fetched.

My teen dc found out by accident recently that they have younger half siblings. Ex then demanded that dc were to say they were just cousins to his 2nd family!!!
I'm still speechless tbh dc have no contact with their father now and only intermittent on his terms only before that.
Some men shouldn't have children they certainly don't deserve the title of dad

Wow, what an utter bastard!?!!?

Would it help you to talk to the mother of his other children? And yes, he probably will go on to do this to another woman. You are well rid.

Do you have maintenance for your DC agreed and sorted? I think you should tell them about their half-siblings at some point in the future, but you're right, they are too young right now.

What a wanker. Were you happy in the relationship op? As you say he was secretive and had no interest in your children. It sounds like he was not the greatest partner?

He doesn’t pay me anything for the children - my solicitor has written to him and he is claiming poor! He’s not!!!
At the time when we together I felt our relationship was happy enough - but reflecting back I can identify massive flaws and problems with it and am in fact significantly happier without him around...,
I have thought about contacting the ex wife/partner again to find out more info but I’m a bit reluctant after a friend of mine said ‘the enermy of the enermy is not always your friend’....

I really would be in touch with their mum and consider building a relationship in the future or at least leaving open the possibility in the future when you’re children are older.

I have two friends in this situation. One grew up never knowing her dad had another family (her mum was the ow I think and the divorce was not amicable). She ended up meeting them by accident when she was 15. They lived about 3 hours apart but were on holiday. No surprise the place her family liked to holiday was also a special place her dad had once taken his older kids. She got to talking with a brother and sister who were in their 20s, they added up the details and worked out they had the same dad!! It was a horrible shock and she went off the rails for a few years after that (not only due to her family situation but certainly didn’t help).

I have another friend who’s dd is the older secret child. Her dad left when my friend was pregnant and married someone else and they have two dc now. These children have no idea they have a half sister. They also live about an hour from each other, but ironically the two mums have overlapping social circles. They have bumped into each other several places. Her dd is good friends with my dd and one of the younger half siblings is all my dd’s school so my dd is a mutual friend of the two girls. The new wife knows but has completely dissociated from it all, pretends this other girl doesn’t exist, thinks it’s all made up (though he pays maintenance for his older secret child so doesn’t really deny she is his). One day they’re inevitably going to have mutual friends and meet and what an awful surprise. I think if there’s a way to head off getting yourself in that sort of situation then do it. He may be a wanker, but you can rise above it and do the right thing when the time is right.