We have one DS (age 14).
DH and I are both from dysfunctional families (but in very different ways).
DS has very little [functioning] family apart from us, which I am sad about but this is where we are. Being an only child is 80% due to DH's insistence that having a sibling was a bad thing having been brought up in a home that triangulated and split sibling relationships through adopting the GC/SG model (more so as older teenagers and then adults rather than children).
Both my parents are dead (and have been for a long time). I've got one, lovely, brother who lives a couple of hours away who has no children. We're quite open about the issues in my family (some due to sad circumstances) and happy to discuss now that everyone concerned is dead - although it rarely comes up.
DH's family (MIL, FIL and his sister) display a lot of the characteristics of covert narcissism (especially triangulation/splitting, manipulation/lying and passive aggression). I've got 18 years of anecdotes and DH more than that. DH warned me before I even met them - although I didn't really understand (and he didn't put it in those terms - terms I've only learnt over the last couple of years). DH has been shocked at they way they have been since we had DS though - they've attempted to do it all again but using the GC this time. DH has called them out on it several times. All denied. He's given up now - we both have.
We've now distanced/disengaged as much as we can from them and set up some good boundaries. We've protected DS but he is now starting to ask questions. He's noticed the PA gifts from SIL for a few years (now stopped after she went a step too far and was called out on it), he's noticed that his GP make no effort at all with him apart from obligatory gifts (they were, well gave the impression of being, good interested grandparents as long as we towed the line and did all the work involved in maintaining the relationship - when we stopped they stopped). He's noticed that he hasn't seen his cousins for years.
Up until now we've brushed it off, given some vague reply about people being different/busy etc but that's about it - apart from once when he commented about some very odd, disjointed and mean comment FIL made about a celebrity...I told him exactly what FIL was saying and he had nothing to do with a celebrity - it was a PA remark aimed very firmly at me, which I chose to ignore and that next time I wouldn't.
I know the cousins thing will come up again. What would you do? I'm thinking gently explain a little more each time (whilst protecting his self esteem and taking care not to simply end up badmouthing people) agreed with DH in advance (or better come from DH) but...
Ultimately, we would like him to know a lot more about red flags and dysfunctional relationships (so wish I knew what I do now decades earlier!) but we've got no idea how much is too much too soon and we definitely don't want to create some big drama. Think it should be more general than person specific too.
Has anyone else been in this position?