Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How much should he pay?

52 replies

ducksanddrake · 27/06/2018 14:43

I know this has been asked before, but can't find a similar thread to my particular question.

Back story Both in late 40s, my newish partner is now living with me, and all going well. We go halves on food and he gives me £175 for bills, with me paying the whole [small] mortgage. I dont want him to pay any towards the mortgage as I don't want him to 'claim' if we split, and I want my property to go to my children - he has none. He doesn't have any property either to have to pay out for. So basically he lives with me for £175 + food. He earns about 8k more than me, and my wage is OK [I have and can afford to live on my own]

So my question is, how much is reasonable for him to pay? I thought i could charge him 'rent' of £300 plus bills. WOuld this be a reasonable request? Would this be like he is paying towards my mortgage because I dontwant him too, but I do think he could pay more really as he has a good deal living with me.

Any advice? Anyone had similar??

OP posts:
BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 27/06/2018 17:33

If you don't intend to give him a share of the home he lives in then you can't charge him rent. He would be better off buying his own small place so that he has the same security as you.

Without children I'd expect 50/50 on bills and food.

Sarahlou63 · 27/06/2018 17:34

From your post it seems him moving in has left you in a neutral position, maybe slightly better off if he's contributing a bit more to food bills? Rather than appearing to make a profit why don't you set up a joint savings account (with both signatures required!) towards a holiday/investment/wedding??

Original poster
ducksanddrake · 27/06/2018 17:57

Thank you to everyone. Not sure if I am any further forward, but it has given me food for thought

I will definitely get something drawn up at a solicitors to protect my home, and will ask for a bit more contribution towards the home.

OP posts:
swingofthings · 27/06/2018 18:03

Who seem to want your cake and eat it though. You want to protect your home, but him to pay to make you better off, and then he doesn't even get the rights he would get if he rented privately in that you could kick him out any moment, changing the locks.

I personally find expecting someone you care enough to want to spend your every day life to pay rent and therefore treat like a tenant is quite derogatory.

Surely it would be better for him not pay rent but then be in a position to treat you with luxuries with the extra money he has?

Hamandcheesebaguette · 27/06/2018 18:11

I lived with DP in his owned property. I never paid a bean of his mortgage and if he had asked I would have requested that he put me on the mortgage and I would have been more than happy to pay half. I paid half the bills, and tended to pay more often when he went out for dinner, weekends away and would often buy him clothes etc.

  1. I'm quite sure that had I have paid towards the mortgage I.e. even through "rent"... I still could have made a financial claim to the property in the event we split up
  1. I had absolutely no rights whatsoever. If he had put all my stuff on the street one night there would have been NOTHING I could have done
  1. Either you're in it for the long term or you aren't. If you are... put me on the bloody mortgage.

I can see both sides but ultimately, you will be better off and he has no security, financial investment, and you will essentially be his landlady.

It's a shitty situation knowing that it's always :their" house. And you'll throw it in his face in an argument at least once. Even if you say you won't.

BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 27/06/2018 18:12

It's all seems very mercenary, wanting to make a profit out of him moving in. He's paying his share of bills so you are already better off.

If this was a reverse, the woman would be told not to move in or if they did definitely not to pay towards a place they won't have a stake in and therefore no security.

IfNot · 27/06/2018 18:12

You can't charge him rent! That's weird.
I think what he pays is fine-half the bills and half the food.
If dp and I lived together the numbers would be very similar and I would have the same set up, except I would suggest the excess income he had could go towards saving to buy him a place (or a holiday let) so we would both have property.
You shouldn't expect to profit from this man, you are meant to be partners!
I agree with keeping your place yours so your children inherit-I would do the same, but he should be thinking about how to ensure his own security too.

confusedscared2018 · 27/06/2018 18:21

He's giving money towards household bills and still lives with you so he may still be entitled

TacoLover · 27/06/2018 20:46

If I were in a relationship with somebody I definitely wouldn't pay rent unless my name was on it. It gives me no financial security.

Limpopobongo · 27/06/2018 21:42

Where did he live before lodging with you?

If your relationship progresses, how will it be if you die before him and your children throw him on the street in his old age?

In a general sense my best advice to anyone is NEVER live in anyone elses house unless you have a legal right to be there i.e you are a proprietor registered at HM land reg or you are on a tenancy.

Anything else is just pants.

Magpiemagpie · 27/06/2018 23:18

Look at what the cost is to rent a room and charge him similar

Get a Contract for him as a lodger not tennant

I do not get all those people who say they won’t pay rent but they want to pay toward the mortgage which can then entitle them to a share of the other person house especially if you haven’t been together that long or paid fhe Initial deposit which let’s be fair can be often upwards of 30 thousand pounds in some areas
I see that as being very mercenary and entitled to think that you can expect to do this

He would have to pay rent somewhere regardless of if it’s a room share or a whole house to himself

And if he really wants to his name on the deeds then he needs to buy his own place

My friends partner has a lodger contract He seems quite happy with that .
It’s her house and if she were to let him pay toward the mortgage or get married to him he could easily walk off with several hundred thousand of pounds if they split up which is a pretty’s good investment for him for a short term relationship of 5. Years or so as he didn’t put any money into the deposit of the house

Love is wonderful. But remortgaging or having to sell up when your getting ready to retire or plan on working less hours isn’t wonderful

AlwaysSleepy1 · 27/06/2018 23:31

He won't have a claim to the house simply by paying towards it as they aren't married/kids (except in very limited circumstances)

OP you haven't stated what you pay out altogether but perhaps just 50:50 the total cost? or ask him for the 300 you are suggesting and see what you think. it's entirely sensible to agree figures as he is presumably able to save a small fortune now which if he so desires he could put towards a property of his own to rent out etc. seems entirely fair to me

FlyingMonkeys · 27/06/2018 23:59

Why don't people work this all out before moving in together? I'd just sit down and have a chat with him. Who originally came up with the £175+ food figure? Are you currently out of pocket or just wanting to put the extra income from him in a saving pot? If your property needed a major repair; roof, boiler. Would he be expected/expecting to chip in? If not then you could use the extra contribution he makes as a rainy day fund to potentially benefit you both if a pricey bill occurs?

category12 · 28/06/2018 05:44

This is very bizarre, there was a recent thread about a man moving in and paying £150 a month for his keep and the op got very different answers. I guess he wasn't paying food tho. But still. Confused

Get a solicitor's advice. I think you're absolutely right to ring-fence your home.

I think it's reasonable to expect him to contribute his share of bills and groceries etc. Your utility bills, council tax and grocery bills will rise by having another adult in the house. You should both come out ahead by sharing a home tho: what he saves by not paying market rent elsewhere he can invest in his pension or property etc for his own future, while you're not at risk of losing your own, and both can be more comfortable financially in the present.

swingofthings · 28/06/2018 06:08

Magpie, it comes down to taking time to build the relationship and not move with someone until you are prepared to consider yourself a couple. What would happen if say OP suddenly lost her job? Wouldn't she expect her OH to support her during that time? The government would, so why is it right that he should be nothing more than a tenant when it suits her?

Women move in with men who are already home owners every day and the attitude is that as such, they are entering into a commitment, so why is it that when it's the other way around, it should be nothing more than a tenant/landlord arrangement? Landlords don't usually sleep with their tenants as part of their contractual arrangement.

AltheaorDonna · 28/06/2018 07:18

Please get some legal advice on how to protect your house. It is just not true that because you aren't married he could have no claim, you need to protect this legally.

glitterfarts · 28/06/2018 08:57

I think he should be paying the council tax amount you lose for not getting the single person discount plus half of all water, gas,electricity, council tax, food etc.

Limpopobongo · 29/06/2018 23:09

Keep it simple. NEVER ever move into someone else's house.

LouiseH2017 · 30/06/2018 19:01

Haven’t RTFT but wanted to add that my DP and I are in a similar situation, h contributes 50% towards bills (excluding the mortgage) and food, plus 50% of the interest element of the mortgage i.e. nothing towards the capital element of the house so cannot claim if we break up and he moves out. I pay 100% for any repairs, white goods, etc.

dilly123 · 30/06/2018 19:13

Definitely get legal advice & papers drawn up stating any money he gives you is living costs not towards the mortgage... I know somebody who after just 2 years of living together & her contributing had to give her a lump sum after they split because they didn't have anything in writing

HollowTalk · 30/06/2018 19:18

It seems crazy that you'd have someone sharing your home - with all the wear and tear that entails - and only charge half of the bills.

It seems crazy that any adult could live with someone and pay around £50 pw for the privilege.

This comes up time and again. I can see the OP doesn't want him to pay towards her mortgage - that's only sensible - but it's ridiculous that he should live absolutely rent free.

Namechanger1404 · 30/06/2018 22:44

You should be more concerned about legal advice OP. He can definitely make a claim regardless of you not being married/on the deeds. If he is transferring money between accounts (his to yours) that is an audit trail.

When you’re in love, the practical stuff goes out the window. Legal advice is paramount.

My friends mum lived with a man for 10 years, he paid very little to live there. When he moved out he took her to court for a share of the property. After a long, lengthy and pricey legal battle, he was awarded a very large sum of money, which she had to pay him. There were no children.

Think long and hard OP

ChangChang · 01/07/2018 20:06

What if you were to pitch it to him that he pay £x amount (say the £300 you're considering) into a savings account to be used for things for both of you but not tied to the house as such, e.g. holidays, special occasions / trips together? That way taking the focus off the house and putting it more into your relationship?

Limpopobongo · 01/07/2018 20:50

If i were to advise him, my advice would be to move out and rent his own place.

Cricrichan · 01/07/2018 21:12

Would he be able to afford to buy? Anyway £300 is a bargain!