Early dating: low contact = low interest?

[Lilylo]

Hi all, I'd love to get some perspective on my situation. Any advice is welcome!

I have been on 4 dates with New Guy. We DTD on date 3, all was well and lovely. We have been going out once a week, so it has been a month since our first date.

Normally we are loosely in touch every other day or every couple of days. We both have demanding jobs, so not much time for intense chatting during the day.

I don't mind not being constantly in touch, but I am starting to wonder if perhaps the low contact means the situation does not have the potential to evolve into something more? Maybe by now if things had potential we would be in touch daily?

I have yet to decide if I feel like this guy could be relationship material or not. I just don't know what the expectations about contact should be at this stage (not expert at dating!) and if perhaps the low contact should make me realize that he is not very into me?

I really don't want to unconsciously slip into a FWB situations and then realize it when it is too late and I have feeling already

In your experience does low contact = low interest?

Anyone?

What's the quality of the messaging like, I.e.is it just a 'how are you?' Every day or so or a proper chat when you do talk? Do you ever speak on the phone?

It's hard to say Lilyo because everyone is different. I can be quite a communicator myself and love to write but much prefer phone calls/in person when dating.

After 4 dates it's still early days so I wouldn't be reading too much into it just yet but would perhaps be looking to see if the contact decreases over time - that would certainly be a bad sign.

We have got into this pattern of slow messaging, so for example:

Late at night (when I am asleep already)

NewGuy: hello there, how has your day been, how did xyz thing go, I have been up to this and that, looking forward to our next date

Then next day late morning/ lunch time

Me: hi there, my day has been xyz, blablabla, what have you been up to, how about this and that thing you had to do, looking forward to our date too

Late night NewGuy replies. Rinse and repeat.

So we essentially exchange messages with a 12 hour delay.

He usually initiates the messaging though, I reckon I could be more proactive but I am still very diffident/ guarded after a bad experience last year..

Devil's Advocate: If he was texting you 20 times a day would you feel better or would your question have been "is he too needy?"

Kinunir ahaha I would hate it to be honest!!

It sounds like you're both guarded.

I think there's a danger that the situation stays as it is unless one of you takes a chance and initiates a brave conversation.

I used to think that low contact meant low interest but now I’m in my current relationship I don’t think that so much. My bf and I both have busy lives with work, hobbies and family commitments, he has a DC he is very involved with but I don’t have any DC. We have known each other for years (a bit complicated) and have been dating for 5/6 months now. We have always seen each other once or twice a week and it’s been taken rather slowly, but I’ve appreciated that.

He used to message me every few days and so it was rather low contact, then on one occasion about 3 months in the contact dropped a bit. I gently pulled him up on it and he’s text or called every day since. I think he did at first because he knew I wasn’t happy but now it’s natural for us to check in with each other and we have become closer over time. I think as PP have said, it’s if the contact drops from the ‘normal’ level then perhaps someone is losing interest. Or they could just be genuinely preoccupied, you don’t know.

I’ve been in early relationships where the texting has been constant morning/afternoon/evening and that just can’t be maintained genuinely, so I think it’s best not to start like that. And those that have seemed super keen in the beginning have never lasted!

I think just see how things go as it’s very early days, I know how difficult it is though.

I think that daily contact is absolutely fine. It's the quality that counts. You're asking about each other's days and "XYZ thing", which shows that you're interested in each other's daily lives. It sounds healthy and mature to me.

Thank you for your kind (and encouraging!) comments!

I think you should monitor it over the next month or so, 4 weeks is too early to tell. You should start seeing each other more, have longer dates and more unstructured time, try to move to phone calls after a while. If the relationship progresses, albeit slowly, that's good. If you see that you are slipping into a pattern of meeting weekly and texting once a day, then not that great.

Sounds like 50/50 to me if you're not replying to his messages till late morning/lunchtime rather than in the morning. Perhaps he thinks you're not too keen!