Adult son's weight gain.

[Hippychick51]

My son has gained weight since being with his partner. I am very worried about him and don't know how to tackle the situation. He's always had a sweet tooth but has stacked on so much weight. They went to slimming world a while back and lost a whopping 10 stone between them (8stone her & 2 stone him) but have put it all back on and more. Now she's pregnant and doesn't seem concerned I know she knows the dangers as she's in the nursing industry. I've been dropping glitter hints to him to eat healthy so he's fit and healthy to help her through her pregnancy. It doesn't help that they are both very lazy. I've offered to take them out for dog walks with me but they don't seem interested. They are both in their early 20's I'm not one to interfere but it's getting very bad. They are both sensitive people.
Thank you

Though you are worried you must leave them be. Nobody but nobody loses weight because someone ceaslessly nags them into it, infact it could drive them to eat more. The time WILL come where they want to themselves, and then they will, but until then you have to bite your lip, hard as that is as a concerned mum. Trust me, if you nag him/them, you could potentially destroy your relationship.

just leave them to sort themselves out. if he needs help, and you are still chatting / conversation, he might reveal where he's struggling. perhaps you might be in a position to offer some gentle ideas, help, then, i don't know.

but otherwise, i don't think anything would be achieved. you could say (honestly and straightforwardly) 'are you ok? i'm worried about you'. apart from that I'm struggling to think of anything else that would be helpful.

Theres nothing you can do, except support them when they need it. They may be more motivated and determined when the baby arrives.
If they lost the weight quickly then their regain is normal, unfortunately.

Its hard to watch but theres little you can do to help.

But I can assure you if they are significantly overweight then they know they are so any reminders will be counter productive. Low self esteem and worth is a major barrier to general self-care including eating well.

As somebody who has struggled with their weight, I really appreciated it when my brother said to me, “You need to get back to the gym. You’re gaining weight and you’re heading back to the way you used to be, and that made you unhappy, so let’s tackle it before you get there.”

Be honest with him. Tell him he’s gaining weight and you’re worried about his health.

glitter hints tell me that's a typo?!

I don't think you can do anything else really? They need to be motivated themselves as it's a big undertaking. It sounds like unhealthy lifestyle is a bit embedded at the moment. They are obviously aware of the weight gain but just not in the place to tackle it at the moment.

The surest way for me to refuse mentally to do something is for a family member to keep banging on about it. Even ( and especially) if I know they are right.
Realistically, he doesn't need to lose weight to help her with the pregnancy, and how does being overweight prevent him helping her with being pregnant? Overweight men seem to manage babies quite well, it's when the time comes to keep up with a toddler that a realisation dawns.
If they are sensitive as you say, you will be driving them bananas with the hints and the exercise offers.
This is not your situation to "tackle", and I would back off before you damage your relationship with them both.

It’s nothing to do with you OP. They are adults. Leave them alone.

Thanks all I have a great relationship with them both and wouldn't dream of spoiling that. I'm hoping they will see the light and sort themselves out. It's breaking my heart tho :(

They are adults and you are really rather overinvested in this. Your involvement will most likely be counter-productive. By all means keep inviting them to do things with you, but keep any advice until you’re asked for it.

I lived abroad for a few years and really really piled a lot of weight on. I'm only small like 5ft and normally a size 8 ish but was needing to but size 14-16 clothes. Honestly I never even noticed nor registered the weight, I just kept buying a clothes size up. In my head I was still "slim" just possibly a little but chubby. I can always remember my gran coming to see me when I moved back and her actual words were "I'm sorry what I'm going to say will upset you, but honestly you're fat. You used to have a lovely figure and I think when you realise you're overweight it will be too late and you'll get sick" I swear at the time I was really upset (she's never been one to mince her words) but thinking back now it was exactly what I needed her to say. What she said may have been harsh but it truly came from a place of love. I wouldn't recommend my grans approach but I would honestly say something politely to them and stress you're there to support them.

My gran was ace, she would come for walks and cook me healthy meals etc..

I gained a lot of weight when I met my DH. It wasn't done intentionally but it crept on stone by stone. I was really upset about it for years. Only in the last few months have I felt able to tackle it. I gained about 8 stone in total and I'm only half way through losing it again.

You'll know your son and how he would react to you suggesting he lose some weight. I wouldn't have taken it well so my mum didn't tell me to loose weight but when I have managed to loose some she's really supportive and positive. That really spurs me to keep going.