Advice needed outside perspective. Long post.

[fluffytowel]

Very long post (and first post ever) I'm sorry but I need advice.

I have 2 children (5 and 2) from a previous marriage and have been with BF since October 2016.

Things have always been good and we live together now. He still has a flat from a previous relationship that is up for sale. He's quite a quiet guy and can give one word..yes/ no answers at times. He has things he finds really annoying (chewing loudly, apparently i breathe wrong as well as I "whistle", tapping etc) I sometimes feel to family that his quietness and answers can sometimes come across quite rude at times and I try to overcompensate.

He can be very strict with my 5 year old in particular and picks him up/ punishes him for things I necessarily wouldn't. But when I talk to him about it he either goes in a bit of a mood or gives me a totally different perspective of what has happened.

Last month we had a massive argument (result of a child free night and too much wine I won't lie) and I was horrible I'll be honest and I thought he was going to leave. We discussed it and I've been on my "best behaviour " so to speak since. Today I finished for my holidays for summer from work, he finishes on Thursday. I had a fruit spritzer thing in the fridge and he asked if we wanted to share it, my response was "yeah I'm off tomorrow!" And he went in a complete mood. "Omg I know you've said already today it's so annoying" etc etc

Worst part was I obviously made a face and he brought up what had happened before along the lines of "oh here we go again, back to your usual self, rolling eyes, nice to have you back" etc now there's been times in the past where he has been out of order but to my knowledge I've never brought it up again in that way.

I told him he had over reacted and he just wouldn't listen, it's my fault for saying I'm off.

I constantly feel like I'm with someone whose always in a "mood" with no known reason. I'm very aware of not trying to annoying him by moving my foot while watching tv/ if I'm eating crisps I get this look cause the "crunch" is too loud etc

But on the other hand he is very good with especially my 2 year old, he dotes on him. I don't feel as if he has the same patience with my 5 year old but he takes him to football training and things and they talk sports and cars and dinosaurs and all things a 5 year old likes.

I don't know what to do. If I ask the question "am I happy?" I honestly don't know. I don't know if I'm bad for the relationship, if he is or if we're both stubborn and bad for each other. I feel as if we argue a lot, he doesn't.

If I had to split up with him the thought of it has tears flowing down my cheeks just now as I worry for my boys who are attached to him and also when we're good we're really good but when things are bad they just seem really bad.

What would you do? Stay together and just accept it's a bad time again and wait for things to get better/ try to talk about it, he's hard to talk to quite closed off and doesn't like those type of discussions/ split up and take the hit with the kids and focus on them and me on a fresh start? Any advice would be really appreciated. Thank you. I just need an outside perspective.

Sorry but this is pretty abusive behaviour.
This is absolutely, no way to live.
Imagine this for the next 10-20-30 years.
Hell NO!!!
You know what to do.
You just need to dig deep and find that strength.

Your DS could grow up to be moody, critical and lazy to his wife when he gets one, as that’s what he’s seeing. I can’t believe you want that.

It doesn't scare me being alone, I've done it before and I can do it again.

@fluffytowel I'm so pleased to read this. All too often you see women on here who fear being on their own, preferring to stay in a relationship such as you've described. I hope your talk with him went as well as could be expected and that you are now in a position to move forward with your life. Being in a relationship should not be a life goal; being content within yourself and your family unit should be.

Thank you all. We had quite a difficult chat was much more difficult than I was expecting. I know he cares for me and the boys.

But he packed a fair bit and is back to his flat. We agreed no contact until Sunday and we will see what we do from then. Give us both some breathing space and time to think things over.

In the meantime I've got a poor sickly little 2 year old and a very tired 5 year old from nursery and the sun to look after.

Your support was incredible I can't thank you enough 😊 x

Well done fluffy, use the time to breathe out (and I'm not being funny!).

I hope your baby boy is better soon and that's these few days help you to see clearly. Good luck

You've done the right thing. I hope things work out for you

The right person for you is not the one you like the most, it’s the one that makes you feel good about yourself.

He doesn’t make you feel good about yourself. Leave and don’t doubt your decision.

Good luck with it OP, it didn’t sound healthy at all.

I hated the way you said he treated your 5 year old son. That would've been it for me.

I think you've made the right decision, OP. It's a brave thing to do when there were good aspects, too.

You have made the right decision. This is not the man foe you or your boys. No way would I accept a man picking on a five year old.

Forgive me but I think you got into a relationship following your breakup with boys’ dad, far too quickly. Take some time to really consider what you want 8n a man who will be a father to your boys, by be8ng on your own with them for a while.