Was this a red flag ??

[FuckItPassMeTheWine]

So my boyf and I split up just a week and half ago. He said he wasn’t happy.

We had a few issues one major one for me being just under 2 months ago I experienced a missed miscarriage and needed to then have a surgical procedure to remove the embryo he had advised he would stay at mine the night before and then see me the evening after , he had at one point been adamant he would be there for the procedure but advised he couldn’t get work off. Anyway he bailed on the evening before saying he was really tired and he would just see me after (I was sobbing about this and didn’t want to be alone) he told me I was emotionally blackmailing him for just wanting his support the night before. I didn’t want to be alone. 🙈

Anyway a month before his family dog had to be put down and he said he didn’t want to be there when the vet was to carry out the euthanasia. I felt a bit sad about this as I have always stayed with my pets when they have had euthanasia. Was this an early indication that at points of crisis / sadness my ex couldnt deal and decided to “opt out” if you will.

Just asking for opinions really so I kinda know what to look out for next time I guess? Xx

HE wasn't happy?

Oh he's horrible. Really horrible. He has no empathy at all, does he?

You are really well rid of him.

I’m unbelievably sad about the whole affair and can’t quite believe that this has all happened within such a short amount of time

Jesus. I hate him from just reading about his behaviour surrounding the miscarriage.

I'm not sure if his not staying with the dog is a red flag. I would always be there with mine. It would make me question a person's empathy, but it would also depend on their general behaviour.

I am so sorry you had to go through the miscarriage alone.

I'm sorry he let you down and you had to go through that alone. Shocking.

He's an arse. And you will be much better off without him (even if it it doesn't feel like that right now).

As the first poster said, you are well rid of him.

I don’t think not being with his dog was a red flag. I would have been. But of course a lot of people choose not to because it’s so heartbreaking.

But how he’s treated you is appalling. He should have been with you. And to claim tiredness (and use this as an excuse) and not being able to get time off work is not acceptable.

Thanks all, at the time I don’t think it really sunk in the impact of him not being there , I’ve just cried for the majority of the week.

To make matters worse , his mum has blocked me on everything , I really got on with her and even though I wouldn’t have messaged her following her breakup I just found being blocked really upsetting xx

*our breakup not hers that should read

What a vile human being he is.
He has not empathy and is a selfish, self-centred cunt!
You are sooooo well rid of this one.
Check out traits of a Narcissist.
I think you'll find your Ex there.

You've had a narrow escape from the sound of his mother, OP. Imagine how she'd turn out! Anyone can be nice at first; it's at times like this that you see what someone's really like.

Thanks all , hearing that it wasn’t me “emotionally blackmailing” helps , I just feel completely broken and bereft right now. One minute I feel ok then the next I’m just floored with sadness xx

OP I can't help but if you want to PM me to chat or offload then please do. I was there 6 months ago - miscarriage followed by a break up.

He was there when I had surgery but only because I begged (he wanted to stay home to play computer games despite being given the day work to support me). He wasn't at the scan though when I found out the baby had died (he refused to go despite knowing I was very worried) so I understand how cruel it is.

@Zoo33 aww thank you so much ! I know I just have to get on with things but knowing I wasn’t being too emotional about it all just makes me feel better about it. Validated in my upset if that makes sense You’re all so supportive xx

There's no way you're being too emotional! Losing a baby is horrific and not having the support of the person who is meant to love you makes it even harder. My miscarriage acted as a eureka moment in realising my ex was emotionally abusive so that was something else to deal with - yours doesn't sound much better.

I would really recommend asking your GP for a referral for counselling. I couldn't even begin to process what had happened as it was all too much and I was barely functioning. It took months for the referral to come through, but it was so helpful just to talk about it all to someone who was trained to listen and support. Especially as the emotions come in waves - some days you'll feel vaguely ok ish and others it's like the world has ended.

I'm so sorry. He's either callous and uncaring or he can't cope with it as it's too upsetting so he distances himself.

Sorry about your miscarriage and break up.

Don't read too much into him not staying while his dog was euthanased. I am a vet. Many owners do not stay (my DH included when we lost our last dog). People feel guilty, that somehow they are betraying the dog, or think they could have done more etc, or they are scared. It is not a universal indicator of their ability to cope in all upsetting situations.